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10 Signs That You Might Need a Social Media Break

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In late December of last year, I was deep in the mindset of reflecting on the year coming to an end and dreaming and planning for the year to come when I had an idea to do a one-week food fast and social media break. I’m not typically the type of person who does any type of fasting. I’ve never celebrated Lent in my life. Not because I think there’s anything wrong with Lent or fasting, it’s just never been a big focus in the churches I’ve attended.

But I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe I could pull away for a week to try out what it would be like to live without social media and food. I’d spend more time in prayer and really try to gain some direction and wisdom for the year to come. At the very least, I’d see what the experience was like to know if fasting was something I should consider doing more often.

My experience with a social media break

social media break

I picked a week and made a plan. I removed all the social media apps from my phone on Sunday night, I avoided social media websites on my laptop, and took a complete social media break for the entire week.

It took a while to figure out what to do without social media. I kept finding myself with my phone in my hand, trying to find something else to do with it without any social media apps. I was playing games on my phone that I haven’t played in months. I even read the news a couple of times. Eventually, though I realized that playing games and reading the news were just other ways to waste my time, so I pulled myself away from those too.

I won’t try to tell you that the experience completely transformed every area of my life or anything like that. But by the end of the week, I was kind of sad to see my social media break come to an end (I was completely fine with the chance to eat like a normal person again). It was nice to have a break, give myself the chance to think and experience life without the constant noise of everyone else’s business and opinions. I also got so much accomplished during the week which made the whole thing worth it.

Scheduling regular social media sabbaticals

I’ve now chosen to regularly take a social media sabbatical. Since I set quarterly goals I’ve made it part of my end of the quarter routine to select a week to take a social media break, do some kind of food fast, and spend extra time in prayer and reflection to plan for the months ahead. My third social media break week was just a couple weeks ago and each time I enjoy it even more.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love social media. I think that there is so much you can do and so much potential benefit from social media. I am grateful to live in our modern world of technology, Google, and the connectedness and information we can find through social media. But just like everything else in the world, there are certainly some downsides and dangers. It can be overused, misused, and abused and I think it’s important to find a healthy balance when it comes to technology, the internet, and social media. Taking a regular social media sabbatical helps me to keep that balance.

Whether you’ve considered a social media break or not, today I want to share some of the reasons you might want to give a social media sabbatical a chance and some of the benefits you might experience if you do. I’ll also share some tips and steps to take if you are ready to embark on a social media break of your own.

Signs you might need to take a social media break

social media anxiety disorder

1. You experience anxiety when you can’t be on social media.

Have you ever run to the store and forgot your phone at home? You know everyone will be safe and fine, you don’t actually need your phone for emergencies when you’re just running down the road for a few minutes. But the idea of not having your phone and therefore not having access to your social media kind of makes you feel uneasy. What are you going to do when the checkout lines are long? What if something funny happens and you don’t have a chance to snap a picture to post about it?

Whether its the grocery store, a long meeting, a day of travel, or a hectic schedule, if you experience a time where you can’t be on social media how do you feel? If you feel anxious, upset, or like you’re going to miss out on something, it might be a good time to take a social media break.

2. You emotionally binge on social media.

Most people have experienced an emotional food binge at some point in their lives. You have a bad day and come home to decide that the best thing to do is sit on the couch with a carton of ice cream. Or maybe something really great happens and you decide to celebrate so you plow through an entire package of cookies, a specialty latte, and a piece of cake.

Have you ever done the same thing with social media? You have a bad day so instead of dealing with the difficult circumstances facing you, you plop yourself in bed and spend the rest of the evening numbing out with the endless scroll of social media. Or perhaps you’re having a fantastic day, but instead of being present and soaking up the experience you feel the urge to capture and post every single good thing, and then constantly check back in to watch all those hearts and likes and comments come in. These might be signs that you could benefit from a social media sabbatical.

3. You regularly experience low-level anxiety, unworthiness, or feel low, especially after scrolling.

Scientists are paying attention to our use of technology and social media and they have discovered that high rates of social media usage are linked to high anxiety and low self-esteem. They’re also talking about things like social media anxiety disorder and social media addiction.

When we’re on social media, we constantly see everyone else’s highlight reel. She’s on another tropical vacation, he just bought a fancy new car, they have a gorgeous and perfectly decorated house, her husband is always helping around the house, she’s doing amazing in her career, and on and on it goes. Sure, there are some people that post the downsides to life, but the overwhelming majority of what we see on social media is everyone else’s great life, which can make our lives feel less than.

If you’re finding it hard to feel joy, hope, and peace, and you’re constantly plagued with worry, unworthiness, and lack then it might be a good indication that you could use a healthy break from social media.

4. You are on social media for more than two hours a day.

spending too much time on social media

I was so excited when I found out that Apple now allows for screen time tracking and limits on iPhones. When I found out about this feature, I immediately set my phone to lock my social media apps after two hours of use each day. It seemed like a very generous amount of time to be on social media throughout the day so I figured it would be a good starting point to curb my addiction. And then I realized that most days I’d hit my limit and be locked out before lunchtime!

The amount of time we spend scrolling on our phones is staggering. I’m constantly complaining about not having enough time to do all the things on my to do list, but you better believe I still know all about what happened in the lives of all my friends on Facebook.

You can choose whatever time limit you think is appropriate for your life situation, two hours just seems like a reasonable amount to me personally. The point is, if you find that you’re spending hours of every day on social media and you’re simultaneously complaining about being busy or not having enough time to do all the things you want to do, then it might be a good idea to take a sabbatical from your social media for a while.

5. You spend more time on social media than you spend engaged in your real life relationships.

Who else lays in bed or relaxes on the couch at night, next to their husband, while you both scroll through your social media feeds? You are literally inches away from the most important human in your life but instead of spending time interacting and connecting with that human you stare at your phone catching up on all the happenings in the lives of people you haven’t actually seen in person in years (and in many cases you wouldn’t want to see them in person anyway).

You have a real life with real people in it that would like to interact with your face and your voice. If you’re finding yourself more engaged in the social media world than in the lives of the people in front of you then it might be time to step away and take a social media break.

6. You adjust your life and experience for the post.

A friend of mine used to have a blog. He stopped blogging years ago. One of his main reasons for quitting his blog was that he had begun to view every experience in life through it’s “blog potential”. How can I use this story for a good blog post? What deep meaning can I extract from this experience to share about on my blog? Instead of living and experiencing the fullness of his life he was living so that he could have a good blog.

How many people do this with their social media? We constantly run through quippy phrases or funny stories to get the most laughs and engagement from our friends and followers on social media. Every experience is scrutinized, not for how it impacted our lives, but rather, for its worthiness and value on social media.

I’m sure we also have been in experiences that seemed to be manufactured specifically to make a good social media post. You’re at an event and just trying to enjoy yourself and have a good time when someone decides to take a picture. But not just any picture, everything has to be staged just perfectly, we have to find the best light, remove all the background clutter, be sure to include a glimpse of a product or logo, and everyone needs to look fully engaged so we can give the appearance that this is a candid shot when it actually took 20 minutes to set up.

If you find yourself manufacturing and viewing your life for its social media potential, it might be time to take a break.

7. You have a lot to do and/or struggle with productivity.

We are all busy people. And I’m not trying to claim that we constantly need to be working or that there should be no time in our lives to rest, relax, and scroll through social media to stay connected and informed about the lives of our friends and connections. However, it can be really easy to go from resting and connecting to mindless, endless scrolling. And the mindless, endless scrolling can suck you in for hours. Those hours could be spent doing some productive things so you won’t be so busy and you might actually have the time to do something that is truly relaxing and fun.

If you’re going through a particularly busy season or you just really need to get some things done, you might want to consider taking a social media sabbatical to give yourself hours of extra time each day.

8. You use social media without thinking.

It drives me crazy how often I find myself staring at my phone and I don’t even know how I got there. One minute I was productively working on something around the house and then suddenly, I’m not. I don’t even make the conscious decision to pick up my phone and go check out my social media feed, it just happens. It’s like this involuntary automatic response that takes over my body.

If you find yourself getting on social media without any real reason or conscious thought, it might be time to delete the apps for a little while to give your brain a chance to make some new neural pathways about how it can better use its time.

9. You feel stressed and angry about what you see.

Does everyone in your social media feed believe the same things about every issue as you? I hope not. I’m a firm believer that we don’t all have to agree or believe the same things. It is good to surround ourselves with people who think differently than we do, experience life differently than we do, and look differently than we do. However, the internet also makes monsters out of a lot of those people.

In person conversations, in the context of a relationship, and with body language and vocal nuance, allow us to discuss our differences, learn from each other, and develop empathy, compassion, and influence. Conversations that happen online, without any kind of relationship, hiding behind the safety of our screens can be dangerous, damaging, and divisive.

We’re gearing up for another major election. There is a lot of unrest and problems in the world. Everyone has their own opinions about these things and many people feel it is their duty to express these opinions and attack everyone who doesn’t agree with them online. It’s not helpful or healthy. If you’re finding that what you see on your news feed is making you stressed, angry, or depressed you should remember that you can unlike, unfollow, and block to your heart’s content. And you might also consider taking a break from social media altogether.

10. You worry about missing out.

FOMO (the fear of missing out) is one of my biggest struggles during my quarterly social media sabbaticals. What if something important happens and I don’t know about it? What if something happens to one of my friends and I don’t see it and can’t help them? Will people notice I’m gone and worry about me? (I don’t typically announce my social media sabbaticals ahead of time.) What if someone is trying to reach me and I don’t respond? Will they think I’m rude?

The truth is that if something really important happens that I need to know about I will eventually find out about it in my real, in person life. If one of my friends is going through something and needs help they know how to reach me or they can tell me about it when we see each other in real life. On the off chance that someone is worried about not seeing me on social media, they are probably in a close enough relationship with me that they know how to reach me on an actual phone or at least by email.  Eventually, my social media break comes to an end and I log back in to catch up. If someone is waiting for my response, I can reply then and if needed, apologize for the delay and explain my break.

If one of the reasons you check in to your social media accounts so often is because you are worried about missing out on something, it might be a good sign that you could benefit from an extended break. Log out of social media and discover new ways to connect and keep up with your friends, the news, and life in general.

How to take a social media break

how to take a social media break

Social media is a huge part of most of our lives. It could be part of your job or business. As someone who works from home, social media helps me feel connected to the outside world. It can help us find and reconnect with old friends. We can follow accounts that help us learn, grow, feel inspired, and get motivated. There are tons of benefits to social media and I would never say that we should all give up social media forever.

But, as we’ve seen, there can be some major drawbacks. We can get highly addicted. We can waste a lot of time and it can seriously hinder our mental health and wellbeing.

The idea of giving up social media completely, even if just for a short period can be anxiety producing and scary. But I promise, you can do it, and I’m willing to bet that if you give it a fair chance you might just find that, in many ways, you enjoy your time away. You might just decide to commit to taking a social media sabbatical on a regular basis.

How long should a social media break be?

The first thing to do is decide how long you want to log off. It’s okay to start small and just go for a day or two to get you started. If you’re feeling brave, try for a week or so. I’ve heard many people say that once they logged off they enjoyed themselves so much that they extended their break by a few days or weeks. For now, just set an initial goal for yourself knowing you can extend it as you desire.

When is the best time to take a social media break?

Then, you want to decide when you will take a break. Maybe you jump right in and start today or perhaps you schedule a time in a week or two. Depending on your life situation and schedule this is completely up to you, but decide a time and get it on the calendar.

How to prepare for a social media fast

When it is time to start your social media break be sure to turn off all notifications. If you are constantly getting notifications in your email inbox about what’s going on it kind of defeats that purpose and it’s a huge temptation. Log into your social media accounts to turn off email notifications. If you have browser notifications on your computer turn those off too. You’ll also want to disable notifications on your phone and tablets (unless you’re deleting the apps altogether).

For my first two social media breaks, I completely deleted all of the apps from my phone to avoid the temptation to log in. It was quick, easy, and it worked great. When my break was over I was able to download the apps again and log right back in to pick up where I left off. It’s super simple.

This last time I went on a social media sabbatical I chose not to delete the apps. I didn’t really have a reason for this other than I was feeling lazy and I kind of wanted to test myself to see if I had the self-control to have them on my phone without actually opening them. I moved all the apps to one folder and then shoved that folder to the back “pages” of my phone screen so it was out of sight and out of mind. This worked well this time, but I don’t think it would have worked as well on my first attempt.

If you really struggle with self-control you might also want to find a way to block social media websites on your computer browsers as well.

What to do during and after a social media break

Once you get started on your social media break, enjoy it. Use all that extra free time to get caught up on your to do list, enjoy some extra time to relax or do something fun, spend time with your real life friends and family, pray, go for a walk, read a new book, or whatever your heart would like. Enjoy and savor the quiet and let your mind think and wander without the added noise of everyone else’s thoughts and opinions.

When you come to the end of your social media break, feel free to log back in slowly. You don’t need to jump right back in and binge on everything you’ve missed for hours. You will feel like you need to. It might be really tempting to endlessly scroll to make sure there’s nothing you’ve missed. But you’ve probably missed very little and anything important will show up in the first few minutes of being back on. Check back in but don’t give up on the healthy boundaries and limits you’ve gotten used to during your break.

Are you considering taking a break from social media? Have you ever taken a social media break? What was your experience like? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.

Additional Resources

Andy Crouch has an excellent book all about setting up healthy boundaries for technology usage in our families. His suggestion is to go technology free for one hour a day, one day a week, and one week per year. You can read more about his ideas and approach in his book, The Tech-Wise Family.

Most people spend a lot of time on social media. But how do you know when or if you should take a break. Could a social media fast be helpful for you? What would it look like to regularly take a social media sabbatical. This post shares 10 Signs that you Might Need a Social Media Break and tips for how to successfully take and enjoy your break.

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17 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress

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In my life, things start feeling crazy and stressful right around the end of August when school begins for the kids. And it just gets crazier and more stressful all the way until about a week into the New Year. That’s a long time for life to feel crazy, I know.

You see, we have the start of school, then my daughter’s birthday, then my son’s birthday, then Halloween, then Thanksgiving (which we host now), and then all the craziness and busyness of Christmas, topped off with Christmas break and New Years. Everything feels back to back and I don’t ever feel like we have enough time to recover in between events.

I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling a little overwhelmed this time of year.

When I think of the perfect holiday season I think of cozy nights by the fireplace (that we don’t have), snuggled up under blankets (that don’t smell like stinky feet), watching Christmas movies, reading books, sipping hot cocoa, and relaxing. I think of smiles and laughter and loads of family time. I think about memories made and traditions kept and a whole season full of peace and joy.

But usually, I feel like we’re rushing from here to there with to do lists a mile long and the perfect holiday season of my dreams is a far cry from our actual reality.

reduce holiday stress

Plan and Prepare to Make Room for Less Holiday Stress

If I’ve learned anything over the last few years, it is that in order to experience anything in life you have to be intentional and plan ahead. If you don’t plan and prepare for calm and peaceful, you won’t ever experience it. If you don’t intentionally pursue relaxation and fun memories, they won’t actually happen.

So this holiday season I’ve decided to be very intentional about what we experience in the coming weeks. I’m planning and blocking out our calendar and protecting the calm and peaceful holiday of my dreams.

First things first, in order to create a season of relaxation and calm instead of one filled with stress and busyness you’re going to need to do some planning, some preparing, and some deleting of things that don’t matter.

Check out this post on 8 Steps to a More Peaceful Holiday Season to get you started. This will help you create a plan and create space on your calendar to intentionally pursue the activities and items in the list below.

If you try to cram extra things into an already overwhelmed and packed schedule, even if those things are supposed to be calm and peaceful, you won’t actually be able to relax and everything will feel forced. So start by tackling your calendar and creating a plan so you can make room for rest. Again, this post will help, check it out and then come back here.

Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress

Are we good? We’ve got the list of things we need to do. A list of people we need to buy gifts for. We’ve put all the already scheduled events on our calendar. And we’ve begun to make some progress on deleting and delegating tasks and activities so we aren’t trying to do it all.

Now that we’ve got that stuff out of the way, let’s intentionally choose some things to include this holiday season that are guaranteed to lower our stress levels and bring a sense of calm and peace. Here are some ideas for you to consider incorporating over the coming month to reduce your holiday stress.

1. Pull out your coziest blankets.

curl up under blankets

Nothing says relax and rest like soft, warm, and cozy blankets. You may have tucked them away for the summer, but find your best blankets and a cute basket and set them out to be enjoyed. You might also want to take this opportunity to launder your blankets because no one wants to snuggle with musty storage closet or stinky feet smells.

2. Stay hydrated with teas, cocoa, and cider.

You know you need to drink more water to stay healthy, but most people struggle to get enough fluid in their body each day, especially in the wintertime. You aren’t hot and sweaty like you were in the summer, so you might not be as thirsty. But you still need to drink your fluids.

If you struggle with getting enough fluids in the winter, because ice cold lemon water doesn’t sound great in the bitter cold of winter, then don’t stress about it. Give yourself permission to enjoy a warm mug of tea, hot cocoa, or a hot apple cider each day. Sure, the cider and cocoa could add a few more calories to your day, but practice moderation and live a little. And if you enjoy a warm mug of tea without cream or sugar then you’ve got no extra calories to worry about. Warm and festive drinks are the perfect recipe to help you relax.

3. Turn on the Christmas tunes.

Turn on some Christmas music and take the time to enjoy. Have a dance party with your kids, a romantic slow dance under the mistletoe with your husband, or just close your eyes and enjoy. You can also just have your Christmas music as the background noise instead of the TV once in a while.

4. Diffuse holiday scents.

Whether you use an essential oil diffuser or just throw some orange peels and cinnamon in a saucepan on the stove, good smells always make you feel more cozy and relaxed. I base the smells I choose on my mood, sometimes I might be in the mood for pumpkin spice, sometimes orange pomander, sometimes Christmas trees, or maybe even warm sugar cookies. Good smells can go a long way in boosting your mood and helping you feel festive and joyful.

This post can get you started on enjoying essential oils in your home.

5. Read good books.

We have a special basket of Christmas books that only come out after Thanksgiving. My kids love to snuggle under the blankets and read these books together. I also like to find a few easy reads for myself this time of year. Most of the year I read lots of non-fiction books, but during the holidays I crave an easy story I can get lost in. Bonus points if the book is Christmas themed. Our local library usually puts out a big display of holiday books this time of year so they are easy to find and borrow.

6. Schedule time off work, if possible.

Everyone’s schedules tend to get extra busy around the holidays. With holiday parties and events, extra shopping to do, errands to run, and goodies to bake. My work tends to be fairly busy this time of year, but I do try to find some time to take off of work to help ease my personal life schedule.

Even if your employer just allows for flexible hours that let you to go in a little early or work through your lunch break a few days so you can take off early on Friday, it can make a big difference. Use the extra time off wisely.

7. Go outside and get some fresh air.

get outside to reduce holiday stress

Most people start hibernating when the season begins to change over to winter and we spend all of our time indoors. We rush from our house to our car and the parking lot to the buildings, avoiding fresh air like the plague. I get it, the air is cold, and depending on where you live, there may be snow and a permacloud. But after running outside nearly every day for the past 3 1/2 years, I can promise you that no matter the weather, getting outside each day (or even most days) can make a world of difference.

Learn to embrace the outdoors and whatever weather is out there and I promise it will improve your life. You don’t need to live outside, just spend 5-10 minutes outside each and every day.

8. Exercise.

I know, there’s a good chance that you don’t think that exercise belongs in a list of ways to relax, but it is probably one of the most important items on the list. This is crazy talk to many people, but when I go for a run on a cold and snowy day it is one of the most relaxing things I can do. The snow falls so gently and looks so gorgeous on the trees, there’s a hush in the air as the birds and the lawnmowers are gone for the season, and it’s just me and the crunch of the snow beneath my feet. And then I come home and feel energized, accomplished, and ready to relax (or work, depending on my schedule).

You don’t have to go for a run, but do something to get your heart rate up and work up a bit of a sweat every day. This post will help you find ways to get motivated to workout in the winter.

9. Schedule time at home.

You won’t ever have that cozy, relaxing time at home that you dream of if you aren’t ever home. And your schedule will continue to be filled with things to do until you start saying “no, we’re busy”. So, before your schedule fills up, pull out your calendar now and block off specific days to be at home, preferably as a family. These are your times when you will relax and snuggle, dance, play, laugh, and enjoy. Schedule this time and protect it.

10. Laugh.

One of the best ways to relieve stress and anxiety is to laugh. Watch funny Christmas movies, play board games as a family, read a funny book, or just do silly things. Whatever works best to get you and your family laughing, be sure to schedule it in.

11. Drop the phone.

Walk away from the technology and the endless stream of messages about what you “should” be doing or what everyone else is participating in this time of year. Be present for your own life and your own family. Put away the phones, the iPads, and the computers. Give your brain a break and you’ll probably discover that you have a whole lot more time on your hands than you thought. And you won’t be stuck in the negativity of comparison world.

12. Consider volunteering another time.

This one might get me in trouble, but I’m going to say it anyway. There are 12 months in a year. It seems that there is a giant push to give and serve our communities in December, which is wonderful. We should help our communities. The holidays can be a really hard time for disadvantaged people. But every day can be hard for disadvantaged people.

If you’ve only ever volunteered your time around the holidays and it is stressing you out then maybe you can consider partnering with an organization to volunteer another time of the year. When Jesus said to love your neighbor He didn’t just mean at His birthday, so drop the guilt and schedule it another time.

13. Be present.

be present for the holidays

One of the reasons we have such a hard time relaxing is because our minds are in a hundred places at once. We might be sitting on the couch with our kids but we’re thinking about the laundry that needs to be folded, we’re making a mental list of the supplies we need at the store and talking to our husband about the schedule for next week.

Stop going in a million different directions and be in one place, doing one thing at a time. When you’re at work, be at work, when you’re at home be fully at home. Work hard, play hard, and relax hard. Wherever you find yourself at and whatever you find yourself doing, be fully there.

14. Stay positive.

The holidays are a wonderful, beautiful, and joy-filled time, or at least they are supposed to be. But how often are we short-tempered, grumpy, and focused on the negative. We are frustrated at our busy schedule, annoyed that there’s never enough money in the bank, mad at our husband for not helping enough, and bothered by all the work we have to do at our jobs. Perhaps instead, we should learn to focus on the positives we have going on. There is always an upside to every situation. Look for it and think about those things the most.

If you struggle with being a positive person, this post can help.

15. Don’t be a victim.

Newsflash, you are fully responsible for your own life. If you don’t like your life or your circumstances, that’s on you. You have the power to change your life, if you want to. So instead of pointing fingers and blaming and constantly being frustrated by your own situation, do something different.

You don’t actually have to do anything during the holidays. You don’t have to bake the cookies or go to the parties or buy thousands of dollars worth of gifts. Everything you do is because you are choosing to do it. Think through the things that cause you the most stress during the holidays and then start making changes. Say no, cross things off the to-do list, and actively pursue the life you actually want to live. It’s your life, you’re the only one in charge of living it well.

This post can help you develop the mindset you need to take control of your own life.

16. Create a family bucket list.

christmas bucket list

Take some time to sit down with your family and come up with a holiday “bucket list”. Have each person come up with the things they really want to do before the end of the year. This could be things like go look at Christmas lights, pick out a real tree at the farm, watch the Nutcracker, go sledding, drink hot cocoa, do the Elf on the Shelf, bake cookies, or whatever traditions and activities your family loves.

Depending on your schedule and family’s desires you might need to narrow the original list down. Say your list can’t be longer than 10 items, for example, or everyone gets to add two activities to the list. Then, all throughout the month use your list to make decisions. If it’s not something on your list then it’s probably not a priority for anyone in your family so do you really need to do it? If you want to reduce holiday stress, probably not.

17. Be grateful.

Don’t just be thankful at Thanksgiving. It can be easy to move into Scrooge attitude during the month of December, but the quickest way to get rid of Scrooge-tude is by being grateful. Look around, you really are incredibly blessed. I promise. Each day, pull out a piece of paper and jot down at least three things you are thankful for. Whenever you start feeling grumpy and frustrated pull out your list and brainstorm a couple more.

To Summarize

My goal with this list is not to add another 17 things to your to-do list. My hope is that you will use this list to start imagining and planning and creating a better way to reduce holiday stress. I’ve included items that will affect all 5 senses as well as activities to help your mental, spiritual, and physical health. All of these areas are really important for reducing stress.

Jot down which of the above ideas sound the most relaxing and stress-relieving to you and then find a way to fit them in. Everyone is different so what sounds relaxing to me could sound exhausting to you, or vice versa. I’m an introvert so you might notice that my relaxing Christmas season involves a lot of being home with my small family. You might prefer the opposite.

Take some time to figure out what fuels you and what your best Christmas season looks like and then take control and make it happen.

Christmas and the holiday season can be a stressful time. Use these 17 tips to help you reduce holiday stress and relax and enjoy the holiday season. You can create a peaceful Christmas season. #holidays #christmas #Christmastips

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10 Ways to Get More Family Time in Your Schedule

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This morning I sent my baby off to kindergarten. He is officially growing up and we are moving into the next stage of life with all school-aged kids. Having older kids means that in some ways things have gotten easier, we no longer deal with diapers, interrupted sleep, or the need to bring the entire house with us when we drive across town. However, we are now faced with new challenges.

Having older kids means that they are starting to become involved in more activities. We aren’t just worried about our schedules as parents, we’re also navigating soccer practice, piano lessons, birthday parties for friends, church events, and all sorts of other kid activities. And as our children grow, they will just be adding more of these items to our family schedule.

The purpose of having a family is not to run all over the countryside, all doing different activities and busying ourselves with our individual lives. We desired to create a family because we want to be with each other. We want to enjoy the community and relational aspect of a family. And the only way to do this is to actually spend a good amount of intentional time together.

If you are struggling with trying to find time for your family to actually spend together as your children grow, here are some tips and strategies to improve your schedules and create more family time.

1. Keep a time log.

If you want to better utilize your time, you have to know where your time is currently going. Take a few days to a week to keep a record of what you spend time doing throughout your day. If you need a resource to help you with this, you can check out the logs and ebook available by Laura Vanderkam, she is an expert at time management. This exercise will help you to clearly identify your wasted time, misused time, and any free time that can be better allocated to important tasks.

2. Know your priorities and use them to make decisions.

Make a list of the most important things in your life right now. For me, this is things like my relationship with God, my marriage, my children, my self-care, and the work I do to fulfill my life purpose. Compare your priorities list with your time log to see if things are measuring up.

Now, this does not mean that the items highest on your priority list need to have the most time allocated to them or that everything on your priority list needs equal time. That is not what a “balanced life” looks like. But if your relationship with God is one of your priorities in life and the only “spiritual” thing you did all week was show up to church on Sunday morning, then you might need to reexamine things. Likewise, if your marriage is a priority but you don’t have any (or many) spaces on your time log that involved quality time with your spouse, that might be something to consider.

Once you’ve examined your time log and your priorities list, don’t just throw your list of priorities away. Keep your list on an index card or in your daily planner so that you can refer to it regularly. As you are making decisions for what to do or how to schedule your day, refer to your priorities list to help you make the best decisions.

3. Delete and delegate.

Once you know where you are spending your time and what things are most important to you, it’s time to make some hard decisions and let some things go. You can’t and shouldn’t do everything. If you try to do everything you will just end up miserable and disappointed.

Some things can be removed from your life altogether (I rarely watch TV and I’m not at all bothered by this). However, other things might still need to be done, but they can be handed off to someone else (I have a house cleaner that comes twice a month so I never have to worry about vacuuming and dusting).

The things you delete and delegate will be unique for you and your current family situation. These things also change based on the seasons of our lives. Be sure to reexamine this often to find new things to drop or reassign.

4. Make sure everyone contributes.

Just because you are the mom does not mean you need to do all of the things to keep your household and family running. Consider that your family is like a business or a sports team. You may be the manager or the head coach, but you are not the only person on the team, so quit acting like it. A good leader knows how to develop and involve every member of the team. Help your family understand the team concept of the family and begin to train and develop your team members to get things off of your plate and give you extra time for the fun parts of being a family.

5. Get things on auto-pilot.

Running repetitive errands, paying the same bill month after month, and always adding the same items to your grocery cart is redundant and a waste of time in our modern world. Set all, or as many bills as possible, to be automatically paid. Most banks and credit unions (and many companies) have had this option for years. If you don’t have it set up yet, quit throwing your time away and set up auto bill pay today.

Also, for things you know you buy all the time, set them up on a subscription plan. We get our razors delivered bi-monthly from All Girl Shave Club and Dollar Shave Club. I have essential oils that are delivered every couple of months through Plant Therapy. And nearly all of your regular home and personal care products can be set up for Amazon’s Subscribe and Save option so you aren’t constantly running to the store for soap and toilet paper in the middle of the night.

Additionally, most areas now have multiple options for grocery pickup and/or delivery. I do nearly all of my grocery shopping through Shipt now and it saves me so much time (and bonus, I never have to deal with taking my kids to the store!).

6. Schedule your family time first.

If you don’t already have a calendar or planner or bullet journal to manage your life, please, for the love, get one and use it. If you don’t plan ahead your life will constantly be lived in a state of chaos and mismanagement.

As you are creating your daily/weekly/monthly schedule find the time that you will intentionally spend together as a family and put those items on the calendar first. This could be dinners (or another meal) each evening or a family fun night each week or maybe once a month you plan a special family day excursion. This will vary based on your unique family, but figure out what is important and works best for your family and get it on your calendar before it is filled up with sports practices, church events, work engagements, and other appointments.

7. Do the hardest thing first.

Let’s face it, we all struggle with procrastination at some point or another. Some of us struggle more than others. I am definitely at the front of the procrastination struggle bus. One of the biggest ways to overcome procrastination is to make yourself do the hardest/worst/most important/least enjoyable items first. Generally, once you get that thing done you will realize it wasn’t as bad as you expected and everything else will be downhill the rest of the day. Follow the advice of Mark Twain (and later Brian Tracy) and eat your frog early.

8. Utilize the small pockets of time.

There will always be times when you are sitting in a waiting room, waiting in a school pickup line, or just staring at your dinner pot waiting for the water to boil. Don’t waste these times mindlessly scrolling on social media. Instead, always keep a list of small to do list items handy. This list should include items that can be done in 15 minutes or less (respond to an email or two, fold a basket of laundry, make a quick phone call, empty the dishwasher, order something online, write a note to a friend, etc). Train yourself to notice these small pockets of time and begin to use them wisely.

If you would like an extra resource to help you identify and widely use these pockets of time, check out this book.

9. Learn how to single-task.

We used to be encouraged to multi-task, but those days are long over. New research shows that in nearly every situation multi-tasking just slows you down tremendously. It is best to focus intently on one thing at a time and then move on to another task.

Turn off all notifications on your devices. Close your office door if you can. Set a timer for a specific period of time and focus completely on one thing until the timer goes off. Eliminate all other distractions besides the one thing you are doing at that moment.

This also goes for your time with your family. If it’s family time, put your phone away, stop scrubbing dishes, and focus solely on the people right in front of you.

10. Plan and prepare for your meals ahead of time.

Every single person in your family needs to eat multiple times a day every single day. It is monotonous and never-ending. I enjoy cooking and baking, so I’m not complaining about that. However, meal preparation can take a huge amount of time, especially if your family is trying to eat real and healthy foods that can’t just be picked up in a drive-thru.

It is so important to plan ahead and often prepare ahead for your family’s meals. Create a meal plan (as a family is best), make sure you have all the groceries you need on hand (remember, use Shipt or Instacart or similar), and try to set aside some time to do advance prep work when possible to save you extra time on those busy weeknights when everyone is starving and the clock is ticking.

I’ve long been a fan of services that involve other people plan our meals to save me even more time. I’ve used eMeals, Once a Month Meals, and my current favorite is Prep Dish. I highly recommend you check out one of these types of services for your family, especially if you try to eat homecooked healthy meals on a regular basis that take longer to prepare.

Conclusion

If you desire to spend more time with your family it is an indicator that you are a great mom. Don’t let the mom guilt get you down by telling you that you don’t have enough time to do everything you think you should. Be intentional, decide what is most important and works best for your unique family. Then, let the guilt go. You are doing a great job. Work together as a family team. Take small steps and make little changes to get your family where you want to be. It will take work and effort, there will be hard decisions, and sometimes disappointments along the way to reaching your goal, but if more family time is important to you, keep moving forward. You can get there.

More family time is a goal for most families. This list of tips and strategies can help you prioritize your time and be intentional about creating more space in your schedule for quality family time. #family #qualitytime #timemanagement

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How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health

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It is August, which means that it is officially back to school season for most of us. Going back to school can be both exciting and worrisome for kids, along with a whole host of other emotions.

Our job as parents is to support our kids, to provide for their needs, and to guide them along the best path for life. These days, one of the most important jobs a parent has is to help support and boost our children’s mental health.

(Don’t have time to read this post right now? Pin it for later!)

Some Facts about Childhood Mental Health

Did you know that 20% of youth ages 13-18 have a mental health condition (and 1 out of every 7 kids ages 2-8 years old have one)?

50% of all lifetime cases of mental health conditions begin before age 14 and 75% show symptoms by age 24.

There is an average delay of  8-10 years between the onset of mental health symptoms and the time in which a person receives any interventions.

50% of students with a mental health condition drop out of high school and 70% of youth in the juvenile justice system have a diagnosed mental health condition.

Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for children ages 10-24. And most suicides by children and youth occur during the school year (which is the opposite of what we see in the adult population).

All of these statistics are on an upward trend.

This is tragic. And these statistics are only counting the kids who have a diagnosable mental health condition. Many kids today deal with occasional bouts of anxiety, depression, loneliness, and more. They may not have a need to see a therapist or psychiatrist on a regular basis, but they certainly need the love, support, and guidance from the adults in their lives on how to navigate their emotions, thoughts, and circumstances.

Our kids desperately need us to pay attention, ask questions, and help guide them toward better mental health. Here are 16 ideas you can implement with the children in your life to boost and support positive mental health.

1. Pay attention and be involved.

be involved in your child's life

Our lives are really busy and often we find ourselves driving our children from activity to event, but never taking the time to actually be together.

Honestly ask yourself, if your child were struggling with an issue or their emotions, would you even have the opportunity to notice?

We hope that our kids would come to us if they were struggling, but the truth is they won’t. Not unless we are regularly making time to be with them, ask questions, listen, pay attention, be curious, and really truly be involved in their lives. If our kids aren’t able to tell us all the little things in life because we are too busy, they most certainly won’t talk to us about the big issues either.

Be sure to slow down and make room in your schedule to talk with your kids, pay attention and be involved with their lives and relationships. Regularly ask your kids questions about their day, not just the usual, “How was your day?”, “What did you do/learn today?”, but dig deeper. Find out about the highs and low points of their day. Talk about their friendships, who did they sit with at lunch, what did they do at recess. And please, put down your phone and to do list and actually listen and pay attention to what they say with curiosity and warmth.

Need extra help? – This game is chock full of questions designed to get your kids talking about their thoughts, opinions, desires, and dreams. 

2. Instill a growth mindset.

A growth mindset is the belief that a person’s abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work, practice, dedication, and motivation. On the flip side, a fixed mindset is the idea that your intelligence and abilities are “fixed” and cannot be developed or improved upon. People with a fixed mindset believe that you’re either born with it or not, and there’s not much you can do about it to improve or develop yourself.

Kids with a growth mindset have much higher self-confidence that isn’t derived from their abilities to perform and accomplish things. A growth mindset allows kids to embrace challenges, not fear failure, learn from their mistakes, embrace learning, and truly grow and develop all throughout their life. They recognize the danger of perfectionism and instead embrace the challenge to always be learning and growing.

You can encourage your child to develop a growth mindset by praising their efforts over their results. For example, “Wow, you worked hard on your homework tonight!” instead of “You are so smart!”. If your child says, “This is too hard!”, you can encourage them by explaining that hard things help us learn and grow, and help them to see that it will take both time and effort to achieve something new.

Explain a growth mindset to your kids and help them to identify their thoughts and self-talk that are keeping them stuck in a fixed mindset. Help them brainstorm new thoughts that can help them grow into a growth mindset. Let your kids know that it’s completely okay to fail. We grow by failing and learning from our mistakes. Give your kids the opportunity and support they need to embrace failures.

Need extra help? – To learn more about a Growth Mindset check out this book.

3. Encourage independence.

independence and growth mindset in children

Take a step back. It can be so tempting as parents to step in and “help” our kids or to take care of things for them that feel small and insignificant. But its important for our kids to develop their own independence.

Kids need the opportunity to make their own mistakes, forget things, try something new and fail, and develop new skills. Our job is to give them the space to do exactly that and then to provide the support and encouragement they need along the way.

When our kids are given the chance to be independent their self-esteem has a chance to soar. They begin to learn problem-solving techniques, confidence, and they are able to recognize that mistakes and failures are not the end of the world.

An important note, independence does not mean that we get to clock out. Be sure to provide chances for independence while also still providing support and being involved with your kids as I mentioned in idea number one.

4. Cut out the criticisms.

If all your kids hear from you is criticism and words that point out all the ways they are doing things wrong, it will not only hurt your relationship, but they will also begin to tune you out completely. Constant criticism destroys self-confidence, motivation, and halts efforts and hard work.

This isn’t to say that we can’t ever provide constructive criticism to our kids, in fact, that’s really important to do. It’s also very valuable for our kids to learn how to accept criticism and learn from it. The point here is to make sure that your only interactions with your kids aren’t negative and critical. You also want to check the way that you approach criticism with your kids to make sure that you are helping them to learn and grow rather than making them feel like a hopeless failure.

5. Provide unconditional love, security, and acceptance.

unconditional love

Yes, I know you love your kids. But do they know it and feel it, all the time, every day, even when they mess up? Do your kids ever get the feeling that your acceptance of them is based on their grades, accomplishments, or ability to behave? Are you providing a safe, secure environment where your kids know that they are loved and accepted unconditionally?

You probably answered yes to all of those questions. But put yourself in your kid’s shoes and go through them again. To love someone means that they actually benefit from the experience of feeling your love toward them. If your child makes a mistake or misbehaves, do you respond with love and security or do you react out of your emotions of fear, anger, and frustration?

This is hard and we’ll never be perfect. But our kids have to know that we are there safe place, that we will always love them, and always accept them just as they are, flaws and all.

Need extra help? – Check out this post about how Jesus’ example of unconditional love can help us learn to give unconditional love to others.

6. Eliminate labeling.

If a child misbehaves you don’t have a bad child. You have a child who could have made a better decision.

If a child aces an exam you don’t have a smart kid or a genius. You have a kid who worked hard and put forth a lot of effort.

We don’t use words like shy, outgoing, hyperactive, difficult, strong-willed, smart, anxious, or the like to identify and describe our kids. We don’t label our kids with words they will use to form their identity. Whether it is a good or bad label doesn’t matter. Our identity isn’t created by the words people use to describe us.

Labels reinforce a fixed mindset in which kids believe that their “label” is a fixed trait and there is nothing they can do about it. Labels often aren’t even true of a person’s overall identity, but simply an explanation of one particular behavior or situation. And when we use labels to describe our children it clouds how we view and interact with our children.

Our kids are more than just their behaviors, actions, and temper tantrums. Allow them the chance to develop into their full and true self and use your words to guide and help them with their behaviors and actions, not to label their identity.

7. Assist in problem-solving.

help kids problem solve

If we’re paying more attention to our kids, getting curious about their lives and experiences, and listening to what’s happening with them, we are bound to uncover details about the problems they are experiencing.

It can be tempting for our inner “mama bear” to jump out when we discover our kids are struggling with something. We want to fix it all, beat up the bad guys, and make it all go away. However, our kids actually need us not to take over but to assist.

We do this by asking lots of questions. This allows your child to keep talking, to see the problem from a variety of angles, and begin to come up with ideas to find a resolution all by themselves. Just ask questions and listen well, then ask more questions.

At times, you might need to step in with a little advice or assistance to help them come to a real solution. Tread carefully here. Your goal is to support and encourage their growth and independence. If they come up with a solution that you know is bad, ask more questions to help them recognize the flaws in their plan. If they get stuck and can’t come up with ideas, you might need to provide some suggestions and hints. Be sure, however, that they understand why and how you came up with the solution you are suggesting so that it will be easier for them the next time around.

8. Model and teach positive thinking.

Your thoughts are one of the most important pieces of your mental health. What happens between your two ears can literally affect every part of your life. This is, of course, true for your kids as well.

Our kids learn best from modeling and imitation. What they see is what they do.

If they see you constantly criticizing, focusing on the negative of every situation, feeling anxious and dwelling on all the problems in life, then that is exactly what they will do as well.

Work on yourself before you try to fix someone else, including your kids. Having good mental health yourself (or getting the help and support you need to get there) is by far the most important thing you can do to improve your children’s chances of having good mental health.

Need extra help? – Read this explanation of how your thoughts control everything in your life.

9. Get them physically active.

get your kids physically active

Physical activity, especially outside is a great way to boost mental health. It lowers stress levels, helps you sleep better, improves your mood, and changes your outlook. There’s not a whole lot of time and opportunity for recess and physical activity in most schools these days, so make it your priority to get your kids active on a regular basis.

Need extra help? – Don’t make your kids get active alone, check this post out for ideas to get the whole family more active.

10. Help them identify and pursue stress-relieving activities.

Childhood (and teenager-hood) is stressful for our kids. We get this notion in our heads that kids have it so easy, but the reality is that they get stressed out just like we do. It’s important for our kids to recognize stress and anxiety and find healthy ways to deal with it. The better they are at this now, the better off they will be when the stresses of adulthood arrive at their door.

Everyone is different, so what feels stress-relieving for some is extremely stress-inducing for others. Work with your kids to figure out what works for them and then make sure they have the time and space to regularly pursue these types of activities. Also be sure that their calendars have plenty of flexibility in them to allow for rest and relaxation.

Need extra help? – Here are some great stress-relieving activities that can be adapted for kids as well.

11. Make sure they get good sleep.

important for kids to get good sleep

Our mental health will always suffer if we are constantly operating in a sleep deficit. Pay attention to how much sleep your kids are getting and help them find ways to improve their sleep if they need it. This might mean taking devices out of the bedroom, bumping up or reinstalling a bedtime, or rearranging the family schedule or routine.

Need extra help? – The chart at the bottom of this post can help you determine the amount of sleep your child needs.

12. Limit devices and monitor social media.

I know, we hear this all the time. It is so hard to limit screen time and it feels like we’re fighting against the entire culture if we push back and put limits on getting our kids devices or giving them access to social media.

The hard truth is that depression, anxiety, and suicide rates in youth have skyrocketed in the years since social media came on the scene. There are some incredible opportunities and resources available to our kids through our modern electronics and social media, but it also opens the door to a whole lot of negativity and danger.

We have to be vigilant about what we allow and what we monitor. Be informed and knowledgeable about what your kids are doing online. Learn about the apps they use. Pay attention to what is happening on their feeds and step in if you see anything questionable or unsafe.

Need extra help? – This site has some great resources and information to get you started on learning more about social media and how to protect your kids online.

13. Create an atmosphere of trust, honesty, and respect.

respect your kids

Your kids will not come to you if they can’t trust you. They won’t trust you if you aren’t honest and respectful toward them. I see so many parents who demand respect from their kids but don’t offer any semblance of respect to their kids. You have to model what you expect, that’s how kids learn.

Make sure that your home is a place where everyone is honest, respectful, and trustworthy. Keep your word, admit when you make a mistake, and treat your kids with respect at all times. If your kids need you, they will come to you, only if they can trust that you are safe, trustworthy, and dependable, and will treat them with respect, even if they’ve messed up in a huge way.

Need extra help? – This post shares more on how to raise kids with respect.

14. Recognize the difference between behavior issues and mental/emotional issues.

If your child comes home from school and throws a fit every day, I can promise you that they aren’t dealing with a behavioral issue. They don’t need you to punish and chastise them. That won’t solve anything. What they are dealing with is a mental or emotional issue or possibly a physical issue.

It might be that they are just hungry or need a nap. But more likely than not, they are struggling with something at school. They blow up at home where they know they are safe. Count it as a blessing that they take their emotions out on you and not at school. However, your next task is to work with them to uncover the issue and help them develop coping mechanisms and ways to handle the issue without blowing up into a temper tantrum each day.

We often think of situations like this to be mostly focused on the pre-school and early elementary years, but in truth, all kids, and adults, sometimes act out behaviorally when they are struggling with an emotional challenge. Have you ever blown up at your spouse over a tiny problem after a long day at work? We all have tantrums and make poor behavioral choices when we are feeling stressed, anxious, sad, hungry, or tired. Help your child learning healthy coping mechanisms through these times instead of punishing them.

15. Pay attention to your child’s food and nutrition.

healthy foods for kids

I’ve said it many times on this blog before but your physical health, your mental health, and your spiritual health are all very closely linked and related. Problems in one area can make problems in another.

There have been multiple studies that have shown a connection between the foods you eat and their effect on your mental health and behavior. Children can be especially sensitive to these behavioral effects. Pay attention to their moods and behaviors and do some experimenting if you notice any patterns between the foods they eat and the ways they behave.

Some foods that are known to cause problems with children include artificial dyes, dairy, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, preservatives, and food allergens. Many kids have been diagnosed with behavioral or mental health conditions when they actually have a food intolerance.

Need extra help? – The GAPS (Gut and Psychology Syndrome) diet was originally created to treat patients with autism spectrum disorders, ADD/ADHD, OCD, depression, and similar mental health condition. It can be a good starting point to research the link between nutrition and mental health.

16. Get help when needed.

For yourself or your children, always, always obtain the help of a medical professional when it’s warranted. And if you aren’t sure if it’s warranted, take the safe route and get a consultation.

If your kid breaks their arm you would rush them to the emergency room for treatment. Take their mental health just as seriously. Help your kids recognize the value in therapy and medicines if they need it.

Next Steps

Any time you see a list of 16 things to do it can get overwhelming. This post is not meant to overwhelm but to educate and inspire you to take action. Look through the list to find your weakest areas that could use the most attention and improvement and start there. You know your child and family situation best. The point is to do something and keep our child’s mental health at the forefront of our attention.

Our children are facing a mental health crisis. Depression, anxiety, and suicide rates are rapidly on the rise. There are things we can do to support and improve our children's mental health. #mentalhealth #kids

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12 Daily Habits to Improve Your Mental Health

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Improving your mental health is one of the best things you can do to improve your overall quality of life. Mental health challenges can have an effect on your career, your parenting, your marriage, your spiritual life, your physical health, your finances, your social life and friendships, and more.

Having good mental health isn’t just about avoiding a mental health diagnosis. For one, only about 41% of the people in the US who have a mental health condition actually receive mental health services. That’s a lot of untreated diagnosable health issues. But secondly, you can struggle with your mental health and not technically qualify for a mental health diagnosis.

There are numerous people who may not have enough symptoms or their symptoms aren’t prolonged enough to qualify for an official diagnosis such as depression or anxiety disorder. However, we all have days where we feel overly anxious, down in the dumps, or downright moody.

The truth is that just because you don’t have a diagnosable mental health disorder doesn’t mean you have no room for improvement in your mental health. Just like there are always things you can do to improve your physical health to make your body healthier, there are many things you can do to improve your mental health. Today we will look at some things you can implement into your daily life that will help you improve your mental health, whether you have a diagnosed mental health condition or you just want to live at optimal health.

give thanks to improve your mental health

1. Practice Gratitude

I cannot stress enough, how important this one thing can be for improving your mental health. When you intentionally observe the good things in your life it shifts your focus off of all the difficult things. Get in the habit of keeping a gratitude journal to jot down three or more things you are thankful for each and every day. This is one of the most researched methods for improving your well-being, mental health, and happiness. Be thankful!

2. Love Yourself – Keep the voices in your head positive

I’m not talking about the voices in the head of people with schizophrenia. I’m talking about your own words to your own self. Have you ever listened to the way you talk to yourself? Usually, we don’t say these things out loud, so it can be easy to let our thoughts toss around in our minds and tell ourselves we aren’t listening, don’t believe it, or it doesn’t affect us. But you do “hear” those thoughts, you do believe them, and they do have an effect.

If the voice in your head is constantly critical and negative of everything you do, the way you look, the things you say, and how you present yourself to the world, you will be holding yourself back from experiencing a full and happy life.

If you hate yourself you can’t love others. If you are constantly critical of yourself you will never accomplish your best work. If everything you say to yourself is negative you will experience a negative life.

Clean up that voice in your head. Make it the most positive and uplifting, encouraging, and supportive voice you hear.

 

3. Develop and Stick with Routines

Routines help to make life a little more predictable. When everything around you feels chaotic, difficult, and stressful, your routines help to keep you prepared, to have an anchor to hold onto and give you a sense of peace in the midst of the crazy going on around you. Routines can also help to ensure that you are getting adequate sleep, eating proper meals, exercising regularly, and keeping up with household tasks.

  • Need help creating routines? Try Crystal Paine’s Make Over Your Morning or Make Over Your Evening to determine your priorities and create routines that work for your life. I’ve taken both and they are incredibly helpful.

try journaling to improve mental health

4. Take Time to Journal

Thinking about your problems, issues, and concerns can be great, but often just thinking about things can make our problems seem worse or bigger than they are. Your thoughts swirl around your brain so fast you can’t really focus or you get stuck on a loop, thinking the same things over and over, never figuring out how to get out of the loop or how to solve your problem.

When you get your thoughts and emotions out of your head and onto some paper you can begin to calm the swirl, escape the loop, and truly see what  your thoughts are, what your actual circumstances are, how those things are affecting your emotions, and it will help you begin to sort out what you can actually do about all of it.

 

5. Be Generous, Helpful, and Kind.

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35) Sometimes when we are going through a hard time we tend to curl up into ourselves. We focus on ourselves and our own problems and struggles. This is often really important. You can’t heal if you aren’t paying attention to what is going on. I am not suggesting that we ignore our issues and try to stuff them down by looking outward.

However, as part of the healing journey from our own problems, we can begin to help others to heal themselves. The person that is usually most affected by kindness, giving, and generosity is the giver. It feels incredible to help another person.

By being helpful and kind, it can begin to break the cycles of negativity in your life. Often, if we are struggling with our own issues and mental health we tend to lash out at others, speak more negatively and critically, frown, and act rudely. However, by intentionally deciding to be kind and generous to others we can not only improve their day but also our own.

6. Take Care of Your Physical Health

Your mind, body, and spirit are all connected and interdependent. When you are not feeling your best in one area it will have an effect on the other areas. I’m sure you’ve seen times when someone is diagnosed with a physical problem, either an injury or illness and suddenly they begin to exhibit symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues. One of the causes of cancer, heart disease, and numerous other physical conditions is stress. Everything is connected.

By improving your physical health you can make a positive impact on your mental health. This means eat nutritious foods, get adequate sleep, move your body on a regular basis, and do your best to avoid toxic chemicals.

 

7. Surround Yourself With Positive People

Just like the voices in your head have a major effect on your mental well-being, so do the people in your life. If you are surrounded by negative, critical, drama filled people it can make it very difficult for you to live a positive and meaningful life.

There is a saying that you become like the five people you hang out with the most. Look at your closest friends, coworkers, and family members. Are their lives a reflection of the type of life you are aiming for? Do their priorities and beliefs align with yours? Do the words they say uplift you or leave you feeling down and defeated?

therapy or a friend for mental health improvement

8. Open Up to Someone

Every single person has gone through a difficult time. If you are not currently going through a hard season you likely just got through a difficult journey or you’re about to go through one. I know that sounds negative, but it is often the reality. This doesn’t mean we need to despair, it just helps us recognize the importance of having the support we need when the inevitable happens.

If you have a trusted friend or family member that you can talk to that is great. Open up and be truthful, vulnerable, and speak openly and honestly about what you’re going through, how you feel, how it’s affecting you, and ways you might even need help.

However, oftentimes a friend or family member isn’t enough. Some people don’t have someone they can talk to, either because of the nature of the situation or they simply don’t have that kind of relationship with someone. Never, ever, ever bury your thoughts, emotions, and problems because you don’t have someone to talk to. Find someone.

There are numerous counselors and therapists available that can provide you with the help, support, and guidance you need. If you break your leg you would go to the doctor to get the help you need. Your mental health works exactly the same way.

9. Set Realistic Goals and Plans

Sometimes we can feel down or stressed because we are overwhelmed or purposeless in our lives. It can be really helpful to have some life goals and plans to help us live a life of purpose and meaning. By setting goals for ourselves, we orient ourselves to look toward a positive future instead of dwelling on the negativity in our past.

When we develop plans that will guide us in reaching our goals we are able to manage the overwhelm and focus on the work in front of us.

10. Avoid Alcohol, Drugs, and Anything Else You Use to Numb or Avoid

Don’t skip over this one just because you don’t drink and you’ve never used drugs. The truth is that nearly everyone has something they use as a coping mechanism or buffer. When life gets hard and stressful what do you turn to in order to cope?

For many, this is food, but it could also be TV, sex, exercise, social media, video games, work, sleep, avoidance, shopping, and more. Think through the things you do when life gets hard and try to determine what you are using to help you numb, avoid, or escape the difficult circumstances and emotions.

Just because you don’t drink or do drugs doesn’t mean your negative coping mechanisms aren’t having an effect on your life. All of these things can be dangerous to your health and well-being. Instead of numbing and avoiding, we actually have to experience our emotions, work through our struggles, and confront life’s challenges head-on.

  • Don’t try to”white-knuckle” it to overcome your buffers and negative coping mechanisms. Changing your behavior starts with your mind. This post explains this further.

take a digital detox

11. Take a Digital Detox

Our phones and other devices can be an incredibly helpful tool these days. We can do amazing good, we can accomplish things we never could before, and they help us stay connected to people we would have otherwise lost touch with. However, our digital devices can also steal our joy, distract us from our own lives, flood us with negativity, and more.

Take an hour, a day, a week, or even a month away from your phone, your social media, or your devices in general. Spend more of your time looking up and out at the world around you. Go outside more. Play with your kids. Read a real book. Talk to a friend face to face. Write in a journal. Pen a letter that you actually put in a physical mailbox.

12. Find Healthy Ways to Cope with Stress

Stress is inevitable. Many of us find ways to escape this stress through the unhealthy and negative buffers I talked about in number ten. But escaping, avoiding, or numbing our pain will never solve our problems. Burying our stress and negative emotions just leaves them pressurized and ready to explode at the most unexpected and inconvenient times.

Instead, we have to actually confront our fears, experience our emotions, and sit with the difficult times. We must use our mind to sort fact from fiction, recognize the truth from our exaggerations, and discover solutions to our difficult problems.

There are times when your stress and emotions will need an outlet. Oftentimes there is an extra energy involved in these types of emotions. For example, when you’re angry your nervous system is highly engaged and you might want to fight someone. Instead, you can go for a run. This will release the extra energy and it gives your brain a chance to think through the situation more rationally.

Channel the nerves, frustrations, and energy into productive things. When you’re feeling anxious, you might discover that baking helps to calm you down. If you’re feeling overwhelmed you might find that coloring helps you bring peace to the chaos in your mind to help you formulate a plan.

The key with each of these things is not to bury the negative or avoid it. In order to cope with our stress and problems in a healthy way, we have to experience and allow our emotions. We have to face and confront our circumstances and the role we’ve played in them. By relieving the excess pressure and energy of the emotions and chaos we feel, we can clear our minds and calm our nerves to allow us the chance to make the necessary changes to address our circumstances.

Today’s Action Step

Even if you are feeling incredibly happy and wonderful today, there are always things you can do to improve your mental health and avoid issues down the road.

Decide today which habit from the list above that you want to implement in your life to begin to improve your mental health. Begin making small steps toward improving your life and health. Little changes can add up to tremendous results.

Your mental health is one of the most important pieces of your life. How your mind handles challenges, emotions, and stresses will affect every area of your life. This post shares 12 daily habits you can use to improve your mental health and wellbeing. #mentalhealth #wellness

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