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Working Mom's Balance

From Overwhelmed to Flourishing

Episode 11: Goal Setting When the Future is Uncertain

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Happy New Year, friends!

If 2020 taught us anything it was that change is inevitable and we need to hold our plans loosely because we never know what might be around the corner. This can make goal setting particularly difficult. There are still a lot of challenges and uncertainties as we enter 2021 and it can be hard to plan goals for the year when there is so much that we just don’t know about what 2021 will look like. In this episode, I share a process that can help us make progress toward our goals for living our dream life even in the midst of a pandemic and all the instability that our current reality has left us with.

episode 11 goal setting when the future is uncertain

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Links and Resources from this Episode

Quarterly Goal Setting Workbook on WorkingMomsBalance.com

More ideas to help you thrive at www.WorkingMomsBalance.com

Find me on Instagram at @TracyKulwicki

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How to Keep Moving Forward in a Crisis

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Today, my friends, you are living your life.

Even in the midst of hard times and trauma and crisis, life has not stopped.

Life is not about some destination that we’re striving to reach. It is about the entire journey, the experience and the whole process of living. Through the ups and the downs, the challenges, the pain, and the good times. It is all life.

And right now, you are living your actual life.

We are not on pause. In the midst of the Coronavirus lockdowns, it may feel like life is on hold since everything is closed and the world feels like it’s shutting down, but you are still in the middle of your actual, real, only get one chance life.

The coronavirus did not put your life on hold.

In times of crisis we can keep moving forward in life to thrive. Life is about the journey.

(If you would prefer to listen or watch this message, you can view my YouTube teaching on this topic through this link.)

How do you want to be able to say you used this time?

What do you want your one life to look like?

When this is long over and your grandkids ask you about your experience during the coronavirus pandemic how to you want to be able to respond?

How do you want to say you lived? What do you want to say you did?

Everyone is experiencing this differently.

Some are busier than ever.

Others are without a job and have lots of time on their hands.

And everywhere in between.

So I want to be careful not to be prescriptive here. It is your life and your decision how you want to live and your situation is very unique to you.

But I do want to invite you to do something with this time. To view our current situation as an opportunity. The way I see it we have three options here. We can use this time to bury ourselves in negative and numbing behaviors that essentially cause us to move backward in our personal growth process. We can use this time to stagnate in life and feel stuck. Or we can use this time to grow and develop in some way.

Thriving in Life Always Means Growing

Thriving in life means that we are growing.

By definition, to thrive means to be growing. If we want to thrive in life we have to keep that forward momentum, even when it feels like everything is being put on hold.

Now, if you’re life is more stressful and busy in this season I’m not suggesting you try to overhaul your life, but all of us have the chance to take advantage of this opportunity to learn and grow based on our unique experience here.

And I’m not suggesting that we need to fill every free moment with activities designed to help us progress. If we have the chance to slow down and rest, that could very well be the area where we feel most called to grow and develop in this time. Or perhaps there is another area of our life that could use some attention.

This is going to be unique for everyone.

But everyone can do something.

Discovering how to move forward in a crisis

When you’re considering what you could do and what area of life you might want to focus on, there are a few things to keep in mind.

Evaluate Your Current Life

First of all, take some time to evaluate where you currently are in the various areas of your life. I go into significant detail about this process in this post here, but the main areas of life that you want to evaluate include your spirituality, mental health, relationships, intellectual health and growth, vocation, environment, finances, and physical health.

Identify Your Values

Next, take some time to consider your personal values, what is most important to you? And does your current life align with these values?

If you notice an area of your life that you’re unsatisfied in or if you recognize that you’re not living in alignment with your values, take some time to make a plan to focus on that area.

Create Short Term Goals for Growth

In the best-case scenario, we’re going to be staying at home during this global pandemic for at least a couple more weeks and more likely we’re looking at some version of this social distancing life to last for a couple months or more. Given that, what short term goals can you create for the next couple of weeks or months that can help you use this time as an opportunity to grow and improve in an important area of your life?

Again, these days we are living are your actual life.

Life is not on hold.

To thrive in life we have to keep moving forward and growing and developing into the people God created us to be.

What can you do right now to help you keep growing?

Additional Resource to Help You Keep Moving Forward

I have created a quarterly goal planning workbook that will walk you through the entire process of evaluating your life, creating a vision for your future, and breaking that vision down into realistic quarterly goals. This workbook could be a great resource to guide you in creating some short term goals that you could pursue over these next couple of months of self-isolation. You can find out more about the workbook and get your copy here.

Even during times of crisis it is important to keep moving forward and growing. Life is not just about enjoying the good times, but also embracing the hard times and using them to teach us and help us grow.
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Why You Haven’t Achieved Your Health Goals – And What To Do About It

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Have you set health goals for yourself in the past and then failed to achieve them? Are you frustrated by your lack of progress toward the health goals you are currently working toward? Are you ready to throw in the towel and give up on trying to get healthy altogether? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions then this guest post is for you. Julia Egan from the site Balancing Bravely shares a method that will help you figure out what is holding you back from achieving your health goals, identify what resources you have that will help you achieve your health goals, and then guide you into creating a plan for success. I think you will find this post to be incredibly valuable! – Tracy

“Wow, this is exactly what I needed to get my training back on track to complete my first marathon.”

That’s what a nurse told me during the lunch break of a workshop I was teaching – my day job is about supporting healthcare workers to adopt new evidence-based approaches. To help them change their behavior in a work setting, I teach them how to apply behavior change theory. It sounds complicated and overwhelming, but it can be so applicable and easy to use, and recently lots of people have been sharing stories about how they have used it to improve their home lives, not just their work.

This nurse, Carla, was incredible. At the end of the day she had taken what we had learned and mapped it out for her marathon training. She had figured out her barriers and facilitators and developed a plan to overcome them. Before I show you her plan, let’s walk through the process.

What does psychology tell us about how to change our behavior?

1. Set healthy behavior goals.

First, you want to figure out what you want to change (e.g., eating more vegetables, going to bed earlier, getting more exercise). This is about goal setting. It’s so helpful to know exactly what you are aiming for – what are your BIG goals?

2. Why haven’t you changed? What are your barriers?

Second, you want to understand why you aren’t changing your behavior. Think about these barriers in different categories: are you capable of making the change, do you have opportunities to make the change, are you motivated to make the change?

For each of these 3 categories, think about whether you have any of those types of barriers. Most people will have a few barriers in every category, and often one category has many more barriers than the others.

Are you capable of change?
Do you have the knowledge and skills to change? For example, if you want to be better at eating healthy meals, do you have the knowledge and skills to cook a healthy meal? If you want to run a marathon, do you have the knowledge and skills to figure out how to get you there?

Do you have opportunities to change?
Does your environment support this change you are trying to make or is it hindering you? If you are making healthy dinners, but then eating junk food that your spouse brings home, that’s an opportunity issue. If you joined a running group, but they meet at really inconvenient times, that is an opportunity barrier.

Are you motivated to change?
Are you excited to change? Is this change a priority for you? Do you really want to make this change? If you didn’t have a confident yes, then you might have a motivation issue. This is really important. If you are not motivated to change, you are unlikely to put in the work long-term.

3. Is there anything helping you make the change? What are your facilitators?

Once you understand your barriers, you can start to think about facilitators, these are things that support you to make a change. Again, you can think about facilitators in each category.

Are you capable of change?
If you have great knowledge or strong skills, this is a facilitator.

Do you have opportunities to change?
If you have people or things in your environment that support you (e.g., a running buddy, a gym nearby) these are facilitators.

Are you motivated to change?
Are there things that motivate and inspire you? Do you have podcasts that get you pumped up?

4. What is your plan to overcome barriers and leverage facilitators?

Once you have your barriers and facilitators grouped into the three categories, you are ready to take the leap and come up with an action plan to overcome them.

Let’s jump back to Carla’s marathon example. At the end of the workshop (which was about her day job, not marathon running), she showed me both her work example and a fully worked-through example for marathon running.

Here is what her running example looked like:

Barriers

Facilitators

Action Plan

Capability (knowledge, skills)

 Used to be a runner, but struggling now, because I assume I should be as good as I was years ago without training;

I don’t have a good strategy in place, going too hard and burning out

 Used to be a runner in high school and college Get a book – one of those couch to marathon ones with a training plan. Why am I trying to do this without a plan???

Opportunity (environment)

 Running buddy (barrier because she just did a marathon last year, so I’m trying to keep up but way behind her skill level and it’s hard and discouraging) Running buddy (also a facilitator, because I like hanging out with her and she inspires me);

Joined a running group;

Have all of the gear.

 Run with my running buddy once a week (on the weekend) and remind myself to compare my progress to where I started, not to her.

Motivation

 I realized I’m motivated to run the marathon, but not as motivated to run each day. I’ve been trying to run after my kids go to bed, but thinking of moving that to a lunchtime run 2 days a week (which I had never thought of until you pushed us to think for out of the box solutions) Our office moved and we have a gym on the top floor, plus I could run outside at lunch. Wow, never thought of that. See barrier box – going to run twice a week at lunch and once a week on the weekends. No nighttime running – it’s just depressing for me.

I want to create small running inspirations at work and in the office. I love photos, so I’m going to add some to keep me motivated.

Two months later, I bumped into Carla. She was so excited to tell me about her progress – not on her work project, but on her running. She got a book that night with a training plan. She loved the book (which also motivated her) and gave her some great structure.

Carla talked to her running buddy about how she sometimes felt “not good enough” and would then get discouraged and not want to run again. Her running buddy opened up about her running struggles and they had this great new open relationship, being really honest about how they were feeling about running.

The lunchtime running didn’t exactly work as planned, but it got her talking with her husband and they worked out a new schedule for her to run one morning a week (while he got their daughter ready for daycare) and one evening after work (but right after work, so it was still light out). She was figuring the work-life balance that works for her. Carla was beaming with pride.

What are your barriers? Is it a skills issue? The environment? Or a problem with motivation?

What supports you to change when you do? People around you?

Build your action plan based on your barriers and facilitators. Imagine what it would feel like to actually be achieving your goals.

P.S. If you are a bit nerdy like me, here is a link to the article about this theory.

Are you struggling the balance it all? Grab Work-Life Balance guide to get you on the path to success.
Julia Egan has a Ph.D. from Penn State in human development and is the founder of Balancing Bravely, a resource for working moms striving to create a work-life balance that allows them to thrive. Sign up for free tips and resources and to read her latest posts on advancing your career, achieving financial freedom, balancing work and family, and finding a little time for yourself.

If you are struggling to achieve your health goals this post will walk you through a psychological process that can help you create an action plan. This will help you make progress on your health goals so you can finally get healthy. #healthgoals #healthy #weightloss #exercise #nutrition #goals

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Free 7 Day Goal Crushing Challenge

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Can you believe it’s nearly April? We’re already a quarter of the way through this year.

How are your goals going? Are you making great progress and crushing the goals you’d like to accomplish this year?

free goal crushing challenge

You may have completely forgotten about your goals by this time of the year. Maybe you made some big progress in those first few weeks of January but at this point, you’ve just completely given up.

It doesn’t have to be this way. What if you could stop giving up? Stop getting distracted? And start making major progress on your biggest goals?

I’ve just put together a free email challenge to help you get back at it! Each day for 7 days I’ll send you an email specifically designed to motivate, encourage, and empower you to make major progress on your goals.

I believe God has given you dreams, desires, and passions for a reason. You can make a difference and do the things He has called you to, even in the midst of your already busy life.

Sign up for this completely free goal crushing challenge here.

I can’t wait to hear about all of the amazing things you accomplish in the coming months.

Sign up for my free 7 day goal crushing email challenge to empower, motivate, and encourage you to achieve your biggest goals. #goals #goalsetting #freechallenge

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50 Totally Free Self-Care Activities

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Self-care is taking care of yourself. As I mentioned in my previous post, self-care does not usually look like a glass of wine or a piece of chocolate. It also isn’t an expensive weekly massage or a regular mani/pedi date with your friend.

This is actually good news. I think many people get the idea that self-care is for the privileged and the elite. That you can only practice good self-care if you are rich or if you figure out a way to squeak out a self-care category in your already too tight budget.

Fortunately, self-care doesn’t have to cost you a dime. And while self-care often does require time, when you make the time to take care of yourself well you will discover that you will have more energy, focus, motivation, and ability to get things done. Taking care of yourself can actually allow you to accomplish more in less time because you’re no longer living in an unhealthy, exhausted, anxiety-filled fog. When you bring your best self to your life you can live a better life.

 Self-Care is not about how you feel in the moment

The important thing to remember with self-care is that whether it “feels good” in the moment is not necessarily the point. When we consider taking care of ourselves we need to take a long view approach and look at the big picture. The key question that we must always ask ourselves when considering whether something should be considered self-care or not is:

“Will I regret or feel bad about taking part in this activity later, even if it feels amazing in the moment?”

For example, a donut will taste heavenly in the moment, but the sugar crash and the stomachache I will experience in a couple hours makes eating a donut not an act of self-care. In general, the same concept applies for chocolate, wine, cheese fries, ice cream, or whatever other food or alcohol related indulgence you might be considering. This doesn’t mean you can’t ever indulge in junk food or alcohol, it just means you don’t get to lie to yourself and call it self-care anymore. If anything, it is often just self-harm, especially outside of moderate limits.

Another example would be going shopping after a hard day or week. It might feel amazing in the moment, but new things aren’t going to make you feel better in the long run. New things don’t bring happiness. Emotional shopping usually leads to impulsive and/or irresponsible purchases. You buy things that you don’t need or can’t afford which is, of course, a recipe for feeling bad later, no matter how much those fancy new shoes make you feel incredible in the moment.

Additionally, another question to ask is:

“Will this activity improve my overall health, wellness, or wellbeing, even if it’s not enjoyable in the moment?”

For example, going for a run feels quite terrible in the moment some days, but it will improve my health, wellness, and wellbeing, so I do it every day.

Eating a salad instead of fast food would not be my most enjoyable choice in the moment, but when considering my overall health and wellness, the salad wins.

Washing dishes is never an enjoyable activity in the moment, but living in a clean home makes a huge difference for my well-being, so you’ll find me in my kitchen loading up the dishwasher all the time.

Self-Care does not have to be expensive

You don’t need a lot of money to take care of your health, wellness, and overall wellbeing. You do need to be intentional and you will need to make some time in your schedule for it, but it usually doesn’t cost any extra money.

Today, I want to share a list of 50 free self-care activities that won’t cost you any extra money out of your budget. I’ve divided the list into various categories so that you can determine which categories your self-care needs the most attention and put a few of those activities on your calendar this week.

Move Your Body

1. Go for a walk or run.

2. Do some strength training.

3. Practice yoga.

4. Go on a bike ride.

5. Take a hike.

6. Have a dance party – alone or with others.

7. Go for a swim.

8. Use a foam roller, if you have access to one. (I have this one and it works great.)

9. Play with a pet.

10. Clean your house.

Fuel Your Body

11. Drink at least half your weight in ounces of water each day.

12. Eat food that fuels and nourishes your body well.

13. Create and follow a healthy meal plan.

14. Cut out or cut down on the amount of sugar you consume.

Restore Your Body

15. Get enough sleep.

16. Take a relaxing bath.

17. Practice Sabbath (set aside a day or part of a day to do no work).

Practice Mindfulness

18. Sit or stand in the sun and notice your body or the world around you.

19. Visit a place in nature that brings you joy or peace (lake, beach, woods, etc).

20. Sit quietly and focus on your breathing.

21. Listen to an uplifting or relaxing playlist.

22. Turn off all devices for a while.

Take Care of your Mind

23. Write a list of all the things you are grateful for.

24. Think of your worst case scenario, then write 10 alternative outcomes.

25. Write a list of at least 10 things you love about yourself.

26. Declutter the area around you.

27. Write about your thoughts and feelings in a journal.

28. Unfriend/Unfollow online people and accounts that are not serving you.

29. Work on changing your unhelpful thoughts to thoughts that serve you (more information here).

30. Allow yourself to experience any negative emotions you are feeling (don’t numb or avoid, just sit and feel).

Be in Community

31. Hug someone you love.

32. Talk with a friend.

33. Play a game (board or card) with someone.

34. Do something kind for someone else.

35. Have sex with your spouse.

36. Write notes to people who are meaningful to you.

37. Play with your kids.

38. Read to a child.

Have Faith

39. Meditate.

40. Pray.

41. Read the Bible.

42. Memorize scripture verses (any of these would be great options).

43. Worship.

Develop Yourself

44. Practice a creative hobby you rarely take time for (baking, sewing, drawing, coloring, gardening, playing an instrument, etc).

45. Read a good book (my reading list is here).

46. Write out a list of your goals and priorities. (you may want to start here)

47. Learn something new.

48. Create and follow a budget. (Here’s more on the software we use, although there is a monthly fee for this one, there are plenty of free budgeting options available.)

49. Do a brain dump of everything you need to do or remember.

50. Make a schedule for your day and stick to it.

Today’s Action Step

I would not suggest that you attempt to take part in every single self-care activity on this list, at least not all in the immediate future. But there are probably a few things that jumped out at you as you read through the list. Things that sounded like just the thing you need or desire to do. Pick a few, grab your calendar, and block out some time in your schedule to take care of you.

You are worth it. And offering a healthy, whole, well version of yourself to your family, your work, and your life is the best thing you can offer to the people around you.

Self-care does not have to be expensive. In fact, use this list of 50 completely free self-care activities to find options for every area of your life.

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