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Homemaking Tips for Working Moms

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When I hear the word “homemaking” I always think stay-at-home mom. I’m not sure why that is, but the truth is that even with two parents working full-time jobs outside of the home, we still have a home that needs “making”. All of the stuff that stay-at-home moms do like cooking and cleaning and taking kids to all the activities are required of working moms as well, we just also get to add our job to the mix.

Homemaking Tips for Working Moms

Which means that homemaking for working moms can actually be even more difficult and overwhelming. We have less time and energy to devote to managing and taking care of our homes. However, usually, when I see homemaking tips and tricks online, it is nearly always geared toward stay at home moms. And while there is some overlap between what will work for stay at home moms and what works for working moms, there are also some unique challenges that working moms face.

Here are some tips for managing your homemaking responsibilities while also balancing your career and family life.

Develop Strong Routines and Systems

Develop systems and routines to get better at homemaking for working moms

You’ll see these a lot in the stay at home mom circles, but routines and systems might be even more important for working moms. You probably have some routines in place. Your mornings likely look very similar each day with a certain order and structure. However, it’s important to make sure that the routines we have are actually intentional and serving us well. If your mornings always look the same, and you are always stressed and frazzled and running behind, it’s likely time to take a look at your routine and make some changes. Here are the routines and systems you might want to consider developing:

Morning Routine

Mornings are hard. It’s early, it’s often dark and cold. And the kids are anything but cooperative. But what happens in the morning can set the tone for your entire day. Being intentional in the morning can make a huge difference in your daily success and productivity. You might need to get up earlier or avoid social media in the mornings to give yourself the extra time needed to get a good start on your day, but you’ll end up thanking yourself later.

Evening Routine

Do you know what makes mornings easier? Setting yourself up well the night before. This might mean backing up your bedtime so you get proper sleep. Cleaning your kitchen before bed so you don’t have to wake up to a mess. Setting out clothes and backpacks the night before. Pulling out frozen meat (or an already prepared meal) from the freezer to get a head start on dinner. Think of things that always seem to frustrate you in the morning and try to come up with a way to incorporate it into your evening routine to make your life easier.

Cleaning Routine

You spend all day at work and the very last thing you want to do at night or on the weekends is more work to keep your house clean. I completely understand. But, the reality is we can’t live in complete filth all the time. Some people prefer to clean the house all at once in a few hour span of time, others like to do a little cleaning each day. Find out what works for you and your family and develop some systems and routines to keep things clean on a regular basis. Be sure to include all the members of your household. You aren’t the only one making messes, you shouldn’t be the only one cleaning. Develop a team spirit approach to cleaning in your family to get everyone involved and keep it from taking over all of your free time.

Self-Care

“If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Congratulations, you actually matter. Your health, your well-being, your sanity, and even your desires, matter. You don’t have to be a martyr, putting all of the people and all of the things before you. When you take care of yourself first, you become stronger, healthier, and better able to do all of the things. This doesn’t mean daily lattes and massages. But it does mean that you get to eat healthy food when you’re hungry (not two hours after everyone else because you spent dinner time wrangling kids). And it does mean you get to put your exercise time on the family calendar before it is filled up with 101 kid’s activities. Figure out what you need to be the best version of yourself and make those things a non-negotiable part of your family routines and schedule. You are worth it.

Related: 101 Ways to Practice Self-Care

Manage Clutter

Don’t set it down, put it away. This is a really hard rule that I’m trying to get myself and my family to follow. Clutter can be a big problem for busy working families who are constantly on the go. However, putting things away in their proper place the first time can save you lots of time and stress in the end. Spend some time talking with your kids and husband about putting things away. Gently remind yourself and them when you notice things being left out. Implement the rule that if you can do it in two minutes or less, just do it now to avoid procrastinating on simple tasks.

Plan Your Life Well

Plan your life well as a working mom

It can be so challenging to put aside time for planning when you are already feeling overwhelmed. Planning can take time you feel like you don’t have. But once you have a plan, you become more efficient and effective so you can actually get more done in less time. Here are some key areas to plan ahead:

Meals

Set aside time each week or even a month at a time to plan out the meals that your family will eat. Be sure to include breakfasts and lunch and even snacks. This will save you both time and money. Less food will be wasted and you’ll spend less time standing in front of your pantry hoping the food will magically appear and make itself.

Related: 50 Meal Plan Dinner Ideas

Finances

Even with two parents working full-time, money is probably still not falling from the sky (if it is, please send some my way). It can be easy to ignore your finances and just hope it all works out. You don’t have time for a budget and you work far too hard to follow a strict frugal lifestyle. Shopping around for sales, clipping coupons, and driving all over town to find the best deals are simply out of the question. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a plan and be intentional about your finances. There are quick and easy ways to track your spending and develop a simple, yet flexible budget that can help you reach your financial goals. You work far too hard and far too much to waste your money simply because you aren’t paying attention.

My recommendation: YNAB (youneedabudget.com)

Goals

I firmly believe that if you’re not growing, you’re dying. I know, that sounds really harsh. But life is a journey, we are supposed to live it well. For me, that includes learning and growing and constantly challenging myself to become the best version of myself possible. That can sound ridiculous to some working moms who are living in survival mode, but we aren’t meant to just survive live. You really can thrive and enjoy the fullness of life, even as a busy working mom, and even when your kids are young. Set some personal goals and intentionally pursue the passions that make you come alive.

Related: How to Pursue Your Personal Goals

A Step-by-Step Plan for Crushing Your Goals

The Difference Between Goals and Habits. And Why You Need Both.

Calendar and Schedules

If you don’t have a calendar that you use regularly (whether it is digital or a physical written planner), you are probably struggling in “survival mode”. A family calendar is one of the most important pieces you need to manage a busy family life well. But the key is to actually use it and use it well. Don’t just throw in all the major family events, use your calendar to also schedule time for all the priorities in your life. Schedule time for your self-care, time for one-on-one time with your kids, date nights, and time for each person to pursue their goals and passions. Your calendar is what can visually help you determine where there is too much of something and not enough of other things to help you live a balanced life.

Related: Bullet Journal Basics for Working Moms

Eliminate the Excess

Eliminate the excess to improve your homemaking as a working mom

Life is busy, especially when you have two working parents, kids in school and extracurricular activities, volunteer opportunities, maybe a side hustle (or two), and everyone has hobbies and passions they want to pursue. Sometimes, you have to remove things in order to make it all work.

Delegate and Get Help

You don’t always have to remove something you love just because you don’t have time for it. There are ways to delegate and get help in areas that you don’t love to open up time for things you do enjoy. This is why I have a housecleaner. It is also why my kids have a chore chart. I still do plenty of dishes and laundry and picking up around the house, but I don’t do it all, which gives me time to run, read, and write on this blog.

For help on teaching and rewarding kids for chores, we use this system: Financial Peace Jr (by Dave Ramsey)

Too Much Stuff

If it is becoming a nightmare trying to keep your house cleaned up and clutter free, it might not be a cleaning problem, but could actually indicate that there is just too much stuff. If you have less stuff, you have less stuff to clean and put away. Minimalism is becoming quite the trend lately as people realize how much extra time, energy, and space they have when they get rid of all their stuff. I’m not suggesting that you sell all of your belongings, but it can be helpful to block out some time to purge your house of extra toys, clothes, and stuff to give you more room for life.

Related: Decluttering the KonMari Way

Packed Calendar

Once you have a calendar that you actually use for all of the events and priorities in your family, it can be easy to notice when things get too full. If there is no blank space in your calendar to just be (by yourself and with your family), it’s probably time to see what can be eliminated. This can be a painful decision, but cutting just one thing out can make a huge difference in your stress levels and sanity.

Keep Your Priorities

The most important thing to remember as a two parent working family is your why. Your why is what drives you to do what you’re doing in the first place. Why are you living life the way you are? Why do you make the choices you make? Why do you make the sacrifices that you do? What are your priorities and how do they shape all of the details of your life? When you lose sight of your priorities, life can become draining and unfulfilling. Crazy, hectic, and busy are not necessarily bad descriptions for your life if you are happy and fulfilled. But if things are chaotic and you’re miserable, it’s time to evaluate your priorities and determine if your decisions match up.

Faith

Your faith isn’t just about dragging everyone to church on Sunday morning in pretty dresses. If that’s all your faith is for your family, your kids will grow up hating and resenting the church and God, and you will personally struggle through life. Take the time to make sure your faith is a real priority for you personally and for your family. Incorporate your faith and spiritual life in your parenting, your marriage, and all the choices you make.

Marriage

Your relationship with your spouse came first, then the kids came. And you likely want to keep your relationship with your spouse long after your parenting days are over. This is why your marriage should always come first. Your kids need to see you prioritize your love for each other and your relationship, it helps kids feel safe and secure. It provides an example for them. And it teaches them what love looks like. Go on a date night. Say you’re sorry. Hug and kiss when the kids are watching. Send the kids to another room so you can have a real conversation with your husband without interruption. Marriage comes first.

Related: For the Love of Marriage – Why my husband Trumps my Kids

25 Ways to Show Love to Your Husband Every Day

Kids

Time with your kids is one of the most important gifts you can give them. Not time rushing them to school and soccer practice. Not time teaching them lessons and coaxing them through another dumb homework assignment. But simply time together. Laughing, relaxing, playing, goofing around, living life. A quality life for a kid is not one filled with lots of toys and lots of fun activities. A quality life for a kid is one spent loving and connecting and enjoying life with the people in their life who matter the most, their family.

Related: 6 Ways to Connect with Your Kids – And Why You Should

Be Present Where You Are

There are a lot of things vying for your attention and time. It can be hard to manage all of it and know what to do and focus on when. We try to manage it all by multi-tasking everything at once. But that method usually fails. We become less productive and efficient and we never feel like we can fully enjoy anything. We’re spread thin and stretched to the max.

The key is to stop multi-tasking. As hard and ridiculous as that sounds, multitasking doesn’t actually work. What does work is being fully present, exactly where you are. Decide what you are doing in each moment and live fully, right there. When you are at work, you can guilt-free focus on your work with all of your energy, the kids are taken care of, dinner time will be tackled when it’s time, and your long list of to do’s will be there later. Focus where you are. When it’s time to be with your kids, put down your phone, step away from your laptop and be fully present with them. Intentionally choose how you want to spend your time and then fully embrace your decision with all of your attention.

 Today’s Action Step

Choose one area that can use the most attention, maybe it’s creating a morning routine or implementing a meal plan, or maybe it’s figuring out how to delegate some of your tasks to the rest of your family. I’ve tried to include as many links and images as possible to additional posts and online courses that can help you in several of these areas. You can’t tackle everything at once, but start somewhere and begin making small steps in the right direction today.

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Homemaking is often considered to be a stay at home mom thing, but homemaking is important for working moms too. But the usual advice for stay at home moms doesn't always work for working moms. Here are tips specifically geared to help working moms tackle everything that comes with homemaking.

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Spring Clean Your Entire Life

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I’m not sure when you are reading this, but as I am writing, it is the morning of Good Friday. My kids are home from school, I don’t have to work, and we have three days to enjoy together as a family. Coloring eggs, playing outside, eating a delicious feast with family and friends, hunting for eggs and baskets, and dressing up fancy for our church services.

This is also the weekend when we remember the gruesome death of our Savior, who suffered and died for us. There is this space between Friday and Sunday where death seemed to have won. The world is dark and can feel hopeless. But then Sunday comes and the great news of Jesus’ resurrection begins to spread. There is new life and new hope and new light in the world because our Savior lives.

Easter just happens to be perfectly timed with Spring in this part of the world. Winter usually seems to drag on forever in my area. It is dark and cold and gray. We are surrounded by dead leaves, dead flowers, dead grass, and filthy dirty snow that lasts for months. Most of the winter, the skies are filled with a perma-cloud, we rarely see gorgeous blue skies or the sunshine. But then Spring comes. The sun begins to shine again, the sky shows off it’s gorgeous blue, Spring rains start to fall, and ever so slowly green life begins to poke out of the ground. Until suddenly we look around and notice there is new life and new hope and new light. Spring has sprung.

This is why Spring cleaning is so popular. It’s like we all feel the urge to come alive again in the Spring. To get rid of the old and the dead and make way for the light and the life. We often think about Spring cleaning when it comes to our homes. We might throw open the windows, scrub the floors extra well, and purge all the excess to make things fresh and open and bright.

But I want to take some time today to consider what it might look like to do a full life Spring cleaning. To take a peek at all the areas of our lives and determine what things might need a little dusting, what aspects might need to be purged, and what areas could use some new life and hope.

Spiritual Life

Since it is Easter weekend, I think it’s best to start with our spiritual life. Consider your relationship with God right now. Has this season of life turned your attention away from your Savior? Do you regularly schedule the time to make God and your faith your priority or do the pressing matters of this life constantly pull you away?

Things to consider:

  • Do you have a daily prayer and study time?
  • Do you attend church with your family on a regular basis?
  • Are you having conversations with your children about faith and God? (We use this devotional book.)
  • Do you make it a priority to surround yourself with friends and a community of faith in a small group setting who would be willing and able to challenge you and discuss life with you?
  • Are you giving your time, money, and talents to further God’s kingdom and the work He is doing in your community?
  • Are there distractions in your life that are keeping you from trusting fully in God and serving Him in obedience?

Related: What does it mean to take delight in the Lord?

Physical Health

Did you start the year with great big plans and goals for your exercise and eating and then it all fell apart as the cold days of winter set in? A friend of mine recently pointed out that the middle of winter is kind of the worst time to make these great big goals each New Year. It can be hard to stick with healthy eating and exercise when you’re surrounded by cold and dark and just want comfort and warmth. So take advantage of the new life and energy of Spring by recommitting to your wellness goals and give yourself a fresh start.

Related: 10 Small Steps to Improve Your Physical Health.

Emotional and Mental Wellbeing

Most people now recognize that Seasonal Affective Disorder and the Winter Blues are a real thing. Many people struggle with their mental health during the winter months far more than in the summer months. Now that the sun is shining and the birds are singing again, take some time to focus on your mental and emotional health to make sure you can handle all that life will bring in the months ahead.

Things to consider:

  • Your thoughts. Do you know you don’t have to believe every thought that pops into your head? Did you know that you can control your thoughts and change them into more positive and powerful thoughts? Did you know that how you think affects everything else in your life?
  • Your relationships. Sometimes there are toxic people in our lives that spew their toxicity all over us. It might be time to say goodbye to the toxic people around you. If you can’t cut the person out of your life entirely, learn to set up good boundaries in your relationship so that you are not harmed and affected by their poor decisions. You can also work on yourself to make sure you are not giving other people control over your thoughts and feelings.
  • Your feelings. Negative feelings and emotions are not entirely bad. Without experiencing bad we would never be able to recognize and enjoy the good. However, if you are always feeling bad, it is time to work through the thoughts that are leading to these bad feelings to discover ways to overcome.

Environment

This is usually what we think of when we talk about Spring cleaning. Purge the clutter, clean the windows (or hire someone else to), and polish those floors. But the cleanliness of our homes is not the only part of our environment that could use some spring cleaning. Also, consider:

    • Your work. Maybe you just need to clean your office or organize your files. Maybe you need to overhaul your schedule and delegate some tasks. Or maybe have a conversation with your employer about new expectations and challenges. Perhaps though, it might be time to completely revamp your work and find a new job. (Related: 5 Ways to Get Out of a Funk at Work)
    • Your schedule. Are the kids in three too many activities? Are you ready to start serving in a different area of your church? Do you need to adjust the amount of time you spend on social media? Look through your calendar and your time commitments to see what needs to be spruced up.

Financial

Maybe you went a little overboard at Christmas and you’re still trying to recover. Or perhaps you thought you’d get a little more back from Uncle Sam, but instead, you owed money to the tax man. Maybe you did a little too much retail therapy over the long winter months and your bank account is looking rather bleak. Take some time to review your financial picture and make the necessary changes to get back on track with your goals. Create a budget, decide on some savings goals, and consider ways to give more. (For help check out this book.)

Social

We are big homebodies in my house. We would much rather sit at home and relax together than go through the stress of trying to get out of the house and do things with other people. Especially in the winter, it is cold and I don’t want to put on four layers just to drive across town in the snow to meet up with some friends. But friendships and community are so important and they do take effort. As the weather begins to warm, be sure to intentionally begin to schedule the time to get together with other people. Host a backyard barbecue, plan for a girls’ night out, or just take a moment to have a good conversation with that neighbor next door. (Related: 5 Surprising Rules for Amazing Grown-Up Friendships and the Never Unfriended book).

We often work hard to spring clean our homes when the weather warms up each year, but it is a good idea to look at all areas of our life to determine what changes need to be made, what things need to be purged, and what we need to clean up. Here are several areas to consider to spring clean your life.

Today’s Action Step – Spring Clean Your Life

This is a big list covering just about every area of life. But don’t get overwhelmed as you think about how to begin to spring clean your life. You’re probably doing well in some areas and not so well in the other areas. Figure out the specific part of your life that needs the most attention and begin there.

Just as Spring doesn’t just appear overnight, but instead is a slow and gradual process, give yourself the time and space necessary to make some gradual changes. Notice the little peaks of hope and change that begin to appear until suddenly you discover that your life feels fresh and new again.

Additional Resources

8 Key Life Areas to Explore When Life Feels Out of Balance

5 Obstacles that Could be Hurting Your Family Relationships

10 Small Steps to Improve Your Physical Health

17 Small Ways to Make the New Year your Best Year

8 Ways to Sneak in Exercise

5 Surprising Rules for Amazing Grown-Up Friendships

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5 Surprising Rules for Amazing Grown-Up Friendships

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I love dropping my little guy off at his preschool. At nearly four and a half years old, he still wants me to carry him inside every day. And I always do, because he is my last baby, and I know his snuggles and need for my arms will not last forever.

I carry him into the building and through a gym full of other kids. The other kids usually notice as we enter the room. Several of them always shout, “Jacob!” in the cutest most excited preschooler voices and come running to follow us. This is why he makes me carry him. Because it can be overwhelming to face a crowd of 3 and 4-year-olds clamoring for your attention so bright and early in the morning.

We wade through the crowd of kids to the back hallway where the cubbies are for his bag and coat. We put his things away and say our parting words. I make him give me multiple hugs and kisses. And then I must pick him back up and carry him back into the gym and straight into the arms of a teacher where he snuggles for just a couple extra minutes before he is finally ready to rush over to the crowd of waiting, eager preschoolers and play.

When I pick him up I’m always eager to hear the stories of the games he played and the fun he had with his friends all day. He has a couple girls who follow him around everywhere and get mad when they can’t play with him. His “best friends” change about as often as his favorite color (at least weekly if you’re not familiar with the ways of preschool color favorites). He has good days and bad days, but I’m fully confident that every day is filled with a whole lot of friends and laughs and fun.

5 Surprising Rules for Amazing Grown-Up Friendships

Why can’t grown up friendships be as simple as preschool friendships?

A part of me is pretty jealous of my son, the popular kid. The kid who is so overwhelmed by the number of friends he has, that he needs me to be his buffer and help him control the crowd. My days are spent alone, doing my work all day, from my quiet house. I might get a chance to chat with a few co-workers over the phone or through Slack, but usually, it’s mostly business related. Somedays I’ll get a text or Facebook message from a friend and I’ll be giddy with excitement, even if it’s just a random question about running.

I scroll through my social media feeds in an endless quest for the social interaction that my soul so greatly craves. I tell myself that this is being social, this is making friendships, but I recognize that simple “likes” and “double taps” are not the community that life was created for.

My thoughts always tell me that there just isn’t time for great friendships beyond social media in my current season of life. I tell myself that everyone else is just as busy, or busier than I am. I tell myself that when the kids are older, or I have a different job, or when my old, grumpy dog passes away, or when we can finally move to a bigger house with cleaner carpets and new furniture, then I can invite people over and develop new friendships.

Or sometimes I’ll come up with an idea to be a good friend. I’ll see a friend in need and realize I have the time in my schedule this weekend to make an extra meal or batch of cookies to deliver to them. But I’ve never done that before, it will probably feel awkward. I’ll just let someone with more experience in meal and cookie delivery handle that.

Finding and Keeping friends as a grown up can be very challenging. There is never enough time for friends. Friendship can be awkward and sometimes there is drama, even as adult friends. Women were made for community, so it's important that we do the work necessary to create and develop good solid friends. This post shares 5 rules for developing amazing friendships as a grown up woman in today's world. These concepts are found in Lisa-Jo Baker's new book Never Unfriended: The Secret to Finding and Keeping Lasting Friendships.

How do we overcome the excuses and the awkward and the hard to create friendships as an adult?

I’m always allowing the lies my brain wants to tell me to keep me from truly developing real friendships. And I’m kind of tired of it. I’m ready for real relationships, even when it’s inconvenient, even when I’m too busy, even when it’s hard and awkward, even when my carpet is stained and my sofa is lumpy, my dog is mean, and my house is small. I just want to share all this imperfect realness with some other women and catch a little glimpse of their imperfect realness to help me recognize that I’m not alone.

Which is why I was totally psyched to find out the Lisa-Jo Baker wrote a new book all about how busy imperfect women can develop real friendships. In Never Unfriended: The Secret to Finding and Keeping Lasting Friendships, Lisa-Jo tackles the struggles that all women face when it comes to wanting, finding, and keeping friends. We all bring a lifetime of friendship drama to the table and it can be terrifying to want to walk into that minefield and navigate adult friendships, but we aren’t meant to live this life alone. Life is meant to be shared and lived in community.

Here are 5 things I learned from Lisa-Jo in Never Unfriended about what it takes to develop true friendships as grown up, imperfect women.

Loving Yourself is the First Step

“Until we can look ourselves in the mirror and see ourselves through the lens of love – we don’t have the practice necessary to love others.” – Lisa-Jo Baker, Never Unfriended, page 180.

The voices in my head like to tell me all manner of lies about myself. And I eat up those words as if they were gold. They tell me all the ways I am failing. They point out my imperfections and flaws and assure me that I will never get it right. The voices make me feel like I’m unworthy and not like everyone else.

But you see, those voices are just the lies that Satan is trying to whisper to me to drown out the extravagant love that God wants to pour into me. God loves me just as I am, not in spite of, but because of my flaws and imperfections. And He loves you too, my friend, exactly the way you are, because of who you are. He doesn’t see our flaws, He sees the beauty of His perfect creation.

Once we are able to recognize and accept God’s unconditional love for us, we can begin to grant that same unconditional love to ourselves. If the Creator of the Universe can love me as I am, then maybe I’m not so bad.

Dare to Go First

“The thing about friendship is that it takes work. A lot of work. It takes practice. It takes showing up. But when we keep showing up in the small things, those eventually become the big, life-changing things…” Lisa-Jo Baker, Never Unfriended, page 183. 

I am an introvert to the core. I love solitary long runs that last for hours and early mornings of complete silence. Put me in a room full of strangers and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I try to scout out a face that looks as lost and confused as me but all the faces I see are confident, happy women laughing and interacting with each other like it’s the easiest thing in the world. And so I busy myself with finding a plate of snacks or playing on my phone trying to look important.

It can be scary to go first. To put yourself out there and start a conversation with someone. To call up an old friend and invite them over for a playdate or send a message to that acquaintance you’d really like to get to know better. Even scarier, showing up to the house of a friend in need armed with cleaning products and a hot meal. What if she’s busy? What if she already has food? Won’t it be awkward?

It will be hard, it will be awkward, you might not do it well, she might not appreciate it the way you expected, but it will be worth it. Small things help us learn and grow. Small things develop relationships. Little steps are what makes a great journey.

Be Unfine and Imperfect

“I am convinced that the shortest distance between strangers and friends is a shared story about our broken places.” – Lisa-Jo Baker, Never Unfriended, page 85.

One of my strongest memories in the days after my dad died is how much I hated the question “How are you?”. I didn’t so much mind it coming from close family or friends who were looking for the honest answer. My problem was with the store clerks and other random strangers who asked that question.

I vowed in those early days that I would never utter that question again because it feels so personal and intrusive. When you are anything but fine and yet all the social rules require that you lie through your teeth and pleasantly smile as you inform the random stranger that “I’m doing fine. How are you?” I was very unfine, awful, miserable, horrible, but you can’t actually say that to the random stranger ringing up your bread and milk.

I’ve gone back to my old ways of asking that question of strangers just like everyone else. It is such a strong habit and it comes out before I even notice, but I cringe every time I hear myself ask it. Because it is still personal and intrusive, but our answers always roll right off our tongue “I’m fine.” “I’m doing great.” “I am well, thank you. How are you?”

In the weeks just after my dad died, it was entirely acceptable for me to be unfine. Even a random stranger would understand if I burst into tears when they asked how I was doing (yes, this happened, more than once). But nowadays, when life from the outside looking in is great, being unfine is frowned upon. It makes people uncomfortable.

It’s okay to be unfine and imperfect, even on an ordinary day.

But the reality is that we aren’t just unfine when we face awful tragedies. Sometimes we can be unfine simply because we had a bad fight with our husband or we fell behind on laundry and had to send our kids to school in the dirty clothes that smelled the best. We might be unfine because we messed up on a big project at work or lost our patience with our kids, again. There are a million reasons to be unfine on any ordinary day.

What would happen if we were all brave enough to share our unfine with the people around us? Not necessarily unloading our bad day on every random store clerk. But when we run into a friend in the hall after church, could we admit to her that we are unfine and imperfect? When we meet that mom friend for a playdate can we have the courage to admit how hard parenting is and how much we’re struggling? I think we might just realize that being unfine and imperfect is universal and sharing these moments with each other can make us all stronger and better.

Be Generous with the Benefit of the Doubt

“…all through Scripture…is the theme of being redeemed by God for the singular purpose of becoming a witness of that same grace, mercy, and blessing to others.” – Lisa-Jo Baker, Never Unfriended, page 155.

We can get ourselves in a tailspin of arguments or misunderstandings with our friends without any actual interaction with them. A hurried text, a misspoken word, a last minute change of plans can cause our minds to come up with all sorts of stories about their “true intentions” and “actual feelings” about us. We assume we know some hidden truth about their opinion of our relationship and our feelings are hurt when they haven’t even said a word to indicate a problem.

Especially in our busy, overly digital culture, it is so easy to misunderstand and misconstrue things. We tend to believe every thought that passes through our mind. Lisa-Jo encourages us to always assume the best of our friends. We have to recognize that just because we think a thought, doesn’t make it true. We must give our friends the benefit of the doubt that they may have actually been in a hurry, or we might have misunderstood, or they really could have had a last minute emergency.

True and lasting friendships are rich with kindness and compassion. They don’t assume the worse, but always consider the best first. They shut down the lies that try to cause division and instead provide grace and mercy.

Friendship is Hard Work but Can Allow Us to Reap Great Blessing

“Friendship isn’t something we passively receive. Friendship is something we actively do.” Lisa-Jo Baker, Never Unfriended, page 83.

Be the blessing that others need.

I think to summarize all of this is just the knowledge that friendship is really hard. It will include discomfort and awkward. It will be hard and sometimes it will hurt. Friendship might often feel one-sided and not even worth the effort. But we were not made to live life alone. We were made to live life together. We were made to be a blessing, to give and to love, and to serve, and to pour out ourselves in love to the people around us.

May we begin to see friendship, not through the lens of what we can get out of it, but what we can put into it. May we be the kind of women who keep showing up for each other. The kind of friend who forgives, repeatedly, who tries again and again. Who invites and includes and never unfriends. The kind of friend who is real and vulnerable. May we be the friend who listens and hugs and sits in the pain.

This is the kind of friendship that can transform lives, including our own, maybe especially our own. For it is always “more blessed to give than to receive”. Let us start first.

Today’s Action Step

Share this post with your friends and then step out of your comfort zone and find a way to be a friend. Send a text, plan a girl’s night, write a note, bake and deliver the cookies. You go first. Show up, exactly as you are, in all of your real imperfectness, and just go first.

And be sure to grab your copy of Lisa-Jo’s new book, Never Unfriended: The Secret to Finding and Keeping Lasting Friendships. Grab some friends and read it together. Mark the pages and jot down notes and ideas to help you on your journey to becoming Never Unfriended.

I am a proud member of Lisa-Jo’s launch team for this book. I was given an advanced reader copy of this book. All opinions are my own.

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The​ ​difference​ ​between​ ​goals​ ​and​ ​habits.​ ​And​ ​why​ ​you​ ​need​ ​both.

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One of the most important pieces that a lot of people miss when creating goals and plans for the future is recognizing the difference between goals and habits. You want to create both, but they are significant for different reasons. They are both useful in helping you reach your ultimate dreams and life objectives. They just work differently.

When making plans and dreams for the future it's important to develop both goals and habits to help you achieve your dreams. This post explains the difference between goals and habits to help you determine how to create them and make them work for you.

The Difference Between a Goal and a Habit

A goal is something that you will achieve one day and then be able to cross it off your list forever, the dictionary defines it as “an aim or a desired result”. It’s something you work toward incrementally until you are done. A goal might be writing a book, or running a marathon, or losing 50 pounds, or becoming debt free. All things that have a clear and defined ending.

On the other hand, a habit is something that you repeatedly do. Merriam-Webster defines it as “something that a person does often in a regular and repeated way”. Brushing your teeth every day is not a goal, it is something that is (hopefully) a habit for you. For many people it is the best kind of habit, it is so well ingrained in your daily life that it is largely subconscious. You don’t have to remind yourself to brush your teeth, you don’t need to write it on your to-do list, you just do it, usually at the same time, every day.

I often hear moms say things like, “I set a goal to spend at least 15 minutes a day giving undivided attention to my kids.” This is a phenomenal thing to strive for, but this is also a habit, not a goal.

Why You Need Both Goals and Habits

When trying to achieve your dreams it is important to have both habits and goals. Oftentimes your habits are what will help you achieve your goals. But habits alone won’t get you there. Last year I had a goal of running a marathon. My habit of running every single day helped me to stay in shape and to run on a consistent basis. However, just having a habit of running a mile a day would have never gotten me into the shape I needed to be in order to run a marathon. I had to pair the habit and the goal together to create a training plan that would actually help me reach my goal.

This year one of my goals is to write a book. To help me achieve my goal, I am working to develop the habit of writing for at least 15 minutes every weekday. By writing more often I improve my writing skills and make sure that I have time set aside each day to write, hopefully on my book. But there is a lot more to writing a book than simply writing for 15 minutes every day. So I have set both the habit and the goal this year to work in tandem.

Your habits will help you reach your goals, but you still have to know what it is you are actually trying to achieve. If your goal is to raise kids who are responsible, compassionate, hard working, and kind, it will certainly help to develop the habit of spending 15 minutes with them each day. But there are other things that you will need to do besides paying attention to your kids in order to raise them to be the types of adults you desire.

The habits are the things that help you develop the discipline and the consistency to do the work required to reach your goals. Your habits help you keep your goals at the front of your mind. And your habits are things you do every day to make sure you stay focused on your priorities in life.

Often the habits you are working to develop will be very closely tied to the goals you are working to achieve, like my running and writing habits. Other times your habits will simply be things that aren’t directly tied to a specific goal but are closely tied to your overall life priorities.

My 2017 Goals and Habits

I thought it might be helpful to share a portion of my list of goals and habits for 2017 to help you see how I approach the difference between habits and goals. I split the list into the various areas of my life to help you see how my habits and goals sometimes work together, although that isn’t always the case.

Physical

Goals

  • Run at least 4 half marathons or longer and PR on at least one of them.
  • Get stronger, defined as begin able to do the following by the end of the year:
    • 50 standard pushups in a row
    • Squat my bodyweight (one rep max)
    • 2 pull ups
    • Deadlift 1.5X my bodyweight (one rep max)

Habit

  • (Continue to) Run at least one mile every single day.

Spiritual

Goal

Habit

  • Have a daily quiet time with prayer, Bible reading, and journaling.

Environmental

No goals.

Habit

  • Have a clean kitchen at bedtime each night.

Intellectual

Goal

  • Read 52 books by the end of the year

Habit

  • Write for at least 15 minutes each weekday.

Social

Goal

  • Send at least 60 cards by mail to friends or family (yes, my goal is to send actual physical cards by snail mail to people this year, because it is such fun to get surprise mail!)

Habit

  • Go out with a friend(s) at least once a quarter.

Marriage

No goals.

Habit

  • Go on a date at least once a month.

Parenting

No goals.

Habit

  • Honor protected time between 6:30-7:30 both am and pm. (This means my phone is out of my hands and at least some of that time is spent focused entirely on my kids. I’ll probably write more about this in a future post.)

Blog/Business

Goals

  • Write and self-publish a book (Eeek! Stay tuned for more on this.)
  • Create and launch an online course.

Habits

  • Publish a new blog post each week.
  • Sent out a newsletter twice a month (if you haven’t already, you should join my email club so you get these newsletters).

So that is my big list of habits and goals I have created for this year. I know, it’s a big list, but I’m all about being brave and reaching for the stars this year. As you can see, I have a good mix of both habits and goals to help me, based on my overall objectives for each area of my life.

One quick note about habits is that it is not the end of the world if you miss a day. If you forget to eat a meal or don’t feel like taking a shower one day you don’t beat yourself up and decide you will never eat or shower again. That is ridiculous. It should work the same way with all of your other habits. Just because you fudge up today, doesn’t mean tomorrow isn’t a new day. Wake up and try again.

If you need more help with deciding your priorities and areas in which you should focus in your own life, you may want to check out this post where I discuss the 8 key life areas and provide access to a key life area worksheet to help you determine where your focus should be.

Today’s action step

If you have a list of goals for this year, look through your list to determine if any of them are actually habits instead of goals or if you need to work on developing some habits to help you reach your goals. Feel free to share your habits and goals for 2017 in the comments.

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A Step-by-Step Plan for Crushing Your Goals

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Last year I ran my first full marathon. My little legs carried me for 26.2 miles through the streets of Detroit, Michigan and Windsor, Ontario, Canada. It was an amazing experience, something I had only dreamed of before. Something that I felt was completely impossible just a year ago. Something I never thought I could do as a full-time working mom of two kids with a husband, a job, and a blog on the side. Who has time to add one more ginormous thing to their plate?

But I really wanted to do it. I wanted to see this dream become a reality. I knew that there would never be a perfect time and my schedule wasn’t getting any less full any time soon. So I decided that 2016 would be the year. I was going to run a marathon. When I set that goal early in the year I had many doubts. I didn’t actually think I could do it, but I knew I wouldn’t be satisfied unless I gave it a good try. I wrote down my goal. I told my closest friends and family. I was going to run a marathon.

I selected the race and put it on my calendar. I imagined myself running and crossing the finish line. I was really going to do this thing!

Maybe that is how you were feeling about your goals for this year just last week. You were so excited and ready and motivated. You were dreaming and imagining and pondering all that you can do in a year. You made your list of goals, maybe you even told some people about all the great things you were going to do. You circled and highlighted the big achievement date on your calendar. You imagined how your life would change, you dreamed about how amazing it will feel when you achieve this great thing. Life was good. You were going to accomplish tremendous things this year!

You have huge goals this year. You were so excited and fired up when you set your goals. And now you're feeling a little bit terrified. Find out how to take your goal from dream to reality, step-by-little-baby-step.

And then you went back to work and remembered how busy life actually is. You showed up at the gym for your first workout and the next day you couldn’t even manage to lift your arms to turn off the alarm clock. You tried to start working on your big project but your children just can’t give you5 seconds of peace. You hoped to stay up late to get started on your dream but your eyes started drooping before you even finished making dinner. You sat down to get started and suddenly realized you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing or where to start.

Your dreams have begun to dim. Your goals have turned into fears. Your excitement quickly faded and you are left wondering what in the world you were thinking. You can’t do this thing. This is too huge. You are too busy. It is way easier just to Netflix and Chill.

I get it, friend. I am right there with you. I’ve set some really scary goals for myself this year and I am so excited about the prospect of achieving them, but at just 11 days into the New Year, I’m seriously questioning my sanity. I do not have the time. I don’t know where to start. I’m not sure I’m good enough. And I have no idea where I’m supposed to find the energy and willpower. So I sat down with myself and my overwhelm and looked back at what I have accomplished that felt impossible at the time. I set out to determine how I did it then so I can repeat it this year. I wanted to share what I learned with you so that we can be brave and accomplish all of our dreams and goals this year, together.

You've got big goals and dreams you want to accomplish, but you're overwhelmed with the big task ahead of you. Here is your guide to getting it done.

Make a detailed, step-by-step plan.

Last year when I set out to run a marathon I didn’t stop with dreaming about it, writing it down, and putting it on the calendar. I did my research on how best to train. I studied the kind of workouts I needed to do, the kinds of food I needed to eat, and the time it would take. I found a training program that I could trust to work and put it on my calendar. I committed myself to doing the runs according to the training schedule and I got my family on board to support me along the way.

You won’t get anywhere in life just dreaming and writing things down. You have to develop a plan. For most goals, you won’t actually know on day one how to get from point A to your dream of point Z. You will have to do some research. Read some books or articles and ask other people who have done it before. Don’t allow yourself to become stuck in the stage of overwhelm and “I don’t know”. If someone has done it before you, you can do it too, you just have to learn how it’s done. So ask, research, and begin to learn.

After you’ve done your research you have to actually put that research to good use and develop your specific action plan. Research is step one, but what is step 2, what is step 3? Whether you work forwards or backward doesn’t really matter (although working backward from your goal is usually recommended as the easiest). But write out a plan of action, a list of daily action steps you can take that will slowly inch you toward your goal.

The smaller you break your steps down, the better. Try to make each item on your list something you can complete in one sitting. When marathon training I had a specific number of miles to run each and every day. I didn’t have any overwhelm or questions about what I needed to do. I woke up, looked at my calendar and saw “run 7 miles”, so I laced up my shoes, headed out the door and started running miles until I got to 7. Then I was done. This is how your plan should work. Keep working on breaking it down until you have a task list that you can add to your schedule and know you can accomplish that leads you all the way from where you are now to the “finish line” of your goal.

Once you have your list, put each and every step on your calendar. Schedule it in. You won’t have the time unless you make the time. If your goals are important to you, make the time. When marathon training, I had training runs that lasted 4-5 hours. My husband was also training to run the marathon at the same time (because we are insane), so for months at a time, our weekends consisted of trading off running and playing with the kids. It was exhausting, but we can now both say that we ran a marathon, something most people never do, and our kids learned valuable lessons about hard work and perseverance. There were trade-offs, really early mornings, sacrifices, and difficult decisions, but now that I’m on the other side of it, I’m so proud of what we accomplished. The point is, make your goals a priority and decide now when you will make the time in your schedule.

ReCommit and Get Support.

Now you know how you will achieve your goals. You have a plan and a schedule. You’ve decided what sacrifices you will make and where you will find the time. Now you must recommit to yourself. This is the point when you see every step ahead of you and you must look at all those steps and tell them who is boss. Recommit to your goal and make a promise to yourself to show up and work your plan.

You also need people who believe in you to back you up. You may or may not have a supportive spouse, bonus points if you do, it is a huge bonus. But even if you don’t have a spouse or he isn’t supportive, there is someone out there who believes in you. Find that person. Share your goals and plans with them. Ask them to be your support, your cheerleader, and your accountability partner. It is even better if you can find several people to fill this role. If your goal is big, you need a lot of people helping to push you toward it.

Get your kids to support you in your goals. They will learn great lessons and be your biggest chearleaders.

If you have kids, get them on board as well. Let them know your plans. Share with them how they can support you. Discuss your “why” with them so they understand the sacrifices and decisions you are making. Not only will you be teaching them amazing lessons on achieving goals but they might also become your biggest and best cheerleaders.

Start doing the work.

You’ve got a plan, you’re committed, and you’ve got support. Now it’s time to lace up your shoes and get moving. Start with step one of your plan and take action. At this point, you just need to follow your plan. Do the things you planned to do at the time you planned to do them.

Somedays will feel amazing. Somedays you will get off track. Somedays you’ll realize your plan just isn’t going to work the way you imagined and you have to adjust. All of these are normal and expected. Readjust, get back on track and keep showing up each and every day.

Want to know how to beat fear? Take action, any action in the right direction. It doesn’t have to be huge, just do something small that will lead you in the direction of your dreams. Then take the confidence you earned from that small thing and use it to do something a little bigger. Step by step, day by day, you will begin to move closer to your goal.

Overcome failures

Failure must happen on the road to success. You will make mistakes. The only way to achieve our dreams is to rise from our mistakes and failures and keep moving forward.

When I was marathon training I was determined to have a 26-mile training run. Most training plans do not include a training run this long as a marathon is only 26.2 miles and the energy and excitement of race day will propel you from your shorter training run (usually 20 miles) to the finish line during your race. But I wanted to go into the race with the confidence that I could do it. 

My 26-mile training run was scheduled for a day with high humidity, bright sunshine, and the temperatures quickly crept up to 83 degrees. I set out for the run as early as possible, packed tons of water and fuel, and took off with confidence. As the miles progressed, my confidence began to wane. No matter how much water I drank I could tell I was still getting very dehydrated. My head hurt, I was dizzy and started to feel nauseous. Eventually, I called my husband to come rescue me before I even reached the 20-mile mark. I had failed. I collapsed on the couch feeling miserable and defeated. I was scared that I couldn’t do it, scared that I would never make it to 26 miles.

When you are striving to reach a new goal, you will experience failure. That's always a part of success.

There was no time to make up the run another day. I had to go into the race with the knowledge that my last long run had been a failed attempt. I didn’t know if I could do it anymore. But I kept showing up for the rest of the (shorter) runs on my training plan. I used the failed run to teach me. I researched better ways to fuel and stay hydrated. I started focusing more on my nutrition in the days before the race. I slept more, drank more water, increased my electrolytes, and prayed for cooler temperatures.

Crush your goals and Achieve the Impossible.

On race day, I was ready. As we drove to the starting line on race day I was so hydrated that I nearly peed my pants. The temperatures were significantly cooler and it even started raining for the end of the race (praise the Lord). I ran with all my heart and I finished proud and strong.

Failure did not defeat me and it won’t defeat you. Just keep showing up, learn from your mistakes, and keep moving forward.

That is how we achieve our goals. This is how we see our dreams become reality. A plan and daily action in the right direction. Show up, adjust when needed, brush yourself off when you fail, and keep moving ahead. Little by little you will get from today to your grand finish line.

Let’s do this.

Today’s Action Step

Start with step one, if you have a goal you hope to accomplish this year begin doing the research for how exactly you will achieve that goal. Find a book or a blog or a person who has done it. Schedule some time in your calendar to read and begin working toward your dreams. Just take a tiny step in the right direction.

Additional Resources

The full story of my first marathon experience.

17 Ways to Make the New Year Your Best Year.

The marathon training plan I used.

How I’ve developed a daily running habit that has changed my life.

Need a confidence boost to help you realize who you are and what you’re capable of? Check out IAmBook.net to sign up for a free video series and then preorder the book “I Am: A 60-Day Journey to Knowing Who You Are Because of Who He Is”  and start reading it (one of the preorder bonuses is a digital copy of the book so you can start reading today).

Not sure how to set up the systems and processed you need to actually make the time to work on your goals? This course can help get you there.

Join the Working Mom’s Balance Email Club to get access to newsletters and additional tools all throughout the year to help propel you forward into amazing things. – Sign up here!

If one of your goals involves running, fitness, or health, be sure to follow my running Instagram account where I share my exercise journey and inspirational messages a few times a week.

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