Not good enough

My son is crying, screaming and screeching to be exact. It started minutes after we arrived home from daycare. Two hours later and the crying hasn’t let up. There are moments of quiet, but they are short lived. More like he’s catching his breath. Trying to decide his next move.

I can’t fix it. I don’t know what’s causing it…

It’s dinner time…he throws his food.

He clings to my leg and cries “Mommy!!”

He fights against my hugs and struggles to get away from my touch.

I try every trick in the book to calm him down.

Our claim to fame as moms is that we have that special touch. We know all the right things to do. We’ve got the right answer for everything. And yet sometimes, even mom, just isn’t good enough.

Some days, our payment comes in the form of screaming and tears.

Sometimes all the right decisions can’t fix the problem.

Occasionally the problem remains a mystery, unsolvable and frustrating.

We join in the cries and screams. We throw up a prayer to God to just give us some peace.

We get angry that we can’t make it stop.

We get irritated with our circumstances. It’s just not fair. I wish it was different.

I’m failing. I can’t figure it out. I don’t have all the answers. My best is not good enough.

And then, its bedtime and he rests his head on my chest and the tears begin to stop. His breathing slows. Peace overwhelms his little body. Sleep comes. The warrior is at rest.

In the midst of our struggles we often feel like a failure. We can’t see that light at the end of the tunnel assuring us that the end is near. We lose hope. Our confidence fades.

But the tunnel always ends. It has to. So we take the next step knowing that if we just keep moving forward we will find our way.

In the heat of the moment we don’t have all the answers. Unexpected circumstances often bring periods of failure. The darkness of the tunnel isn’t fair. It would be easier if there was just a little light.

We worry that our best isn’t good enough. Because it isn’t.

But it doesn’t need to be good enough. It’s okay if we fail.

The sun will always rise and the sun will always set. Every day. Even when we fail. Even when we just don’t have enough.

Even in the midst of our frustrations, our failures, our not quite good enough. There is always hope.

We just show up. We do hard things. We love, we embrace, we stand, we cry.

And we know that the end will come. Peace and joy and victory are waiting for us. Rest will come soon.